Look at the three flowers you bring to me
Three flowers
Three words
** i love you **
there goes another year.. and what have i achieved.. hmm apart from all the pain inside me.. nothing else much.. i feel like im torn in 2.. everywhere torn in 2.. dont know where my heart is.. dont know what my head tells me to do.. i keep thinking about it every day, every moment.. and its just there, but no matter how much i think about it.. i just cant seem to see it clearly.. until i ve made my mistake.
on a happier note, my bday was last sunday.. super fun day! dad actually came over for my concert on friday.. =) and then took me out to hunter valley and gosford ( where we went 10 years ago on our trip to sydney ) had a nice lunch, dinner, nice quality time spent together.. reminded me so much of whats missing now.. what could be my life..
I dont know what im doing in australia, what im doing here in sydney.. why im doing medicine.. why shouldnt i? its so stressful.. and difficult.. sometimes i just want to give up. but i knw i can make it! i can struggle on.. i just need some motivation, hunting for that now.. first in sg.. didnt like it, melbourne was so nice,, i was just getting into it, making my foundations in music as an accompanist, i just wished i didnt have to move, to give up music, and all my friends there. Im sure sydney will be just as good, but it ll take some time for me to settle in here, before having to move back to melbourne again =( but its not a bad thing, its just that moving here and there doesnt allow me to be with the one person that i love most =( and thats what tears my heart apart.
thinkin' of you at ... 8:18 PM
its my birthday today, but it sure doesnt feel like it.. i feel that something has changed.. and its not what it used to be anymore.. months ago,, or weeks ago.. everything was already different.. but i liked the past better, and today kinda reminded me a lot of the past, that i dearly miss.. like my closest friends in singapore who still remember my birthday today! :D and my close friends here who dont even say anything :( I dont want much in life.. but i i think i know whats missing.. its that happiness everyday, when i know that my friends are there for me.. and these 4 years i have just been missing that.. now i know why.. meanwhile all my friends in singapore move on because everyone gets so busy.. but yet im stuck here and i somehow just feel so empty.. resorting to shopping on a daily basis.. just to cure my loneliness.. its quite depressing actually.. and the only thing keeping me going is my music and the saturday MYM where i just feel settled in even though i dont know them really well.. i feel like they are a very caring bunch.. Somehow i just know something is missing from this life.. really miss the past.. but i know its time to move on.. took me ages to figure it out but now i know.. I thought it was over.. i tried to forget it.. but now its coming back all in one shot again.. and i dont know what to do :( i dont know if i should stay back.. or just go ahead with what i want to do.. and i know either way i ll just regret it.. okay im thinking maybe i shouldnt post this.. but i think i should.. and then im gonna tuck my lil sorry ass into bed and wish myself happy 18th! Gdnight!
thinkin' of you at ... 5:05 AM
i have soo many things to worry about.. like that music essays that i have to do if not i pretty much lose 25 marks on the exam.. but i just cant get round to doing it.. :(:( and like that chemistry stuff where iahve to read up everything and cover loophopes.. and what about that spesh sac coming up.. and all the 7th chords in aural.. dominat minor major diminished half diminished.. and all those scales lydian dorian phrygian minor lydian> and what else.. loads of stuff.. i dno im just stressed i guess...
thinkin' of you at ... 2:28 AM
okay i havent been blogging for ages.. but i feel the need to rant, more like to yell.. but this will do for now.. GRR that lil shit brother of mine :( decided to piss me offf soo badly, i had to use the internet, and my stupid laptop has a crappy internet connection so it was 1030.. and him and mum slept at 9pm so i didnt bother waking them up so i just hopped on HIS comp.. which is a one year old pretty much NEW windows XP DESKTOP while i have a 6 year OLD laptop that mum chucked on the floor cos shes an idiot.. so then my connections are all loose.. so my internet is shit! and edmund comes out all of a sudden and he goes.. sis, can you ask me when you use my comp.. what a dickhead.. and then he goes and tell mum.. mum sis dickhead and so he goes and tell mum and then the next day mum jumps at my throat for not giving him enough privacy, respect.. comon hes a 12 year old kid with a NEW computer.. i only had a computer to USE when i was in sec 2!!! what an IDIOT!!! and now its HIS comp> and since when did i get stuck with THIS shit SHIT
SHIT
SHIT
SHIT
SHIT
SHIT!!! COMP!!!! FUCK IT!
thinkin' of you at ... 2:11 AM
okay i feel the need to rant.. firstly about the SHIT HEAD LIL PIECE OF ASSHOLE brother i have.. if there is such a thing as genetic modification.. i wuold be the first one to put a new gene in him.. cos he doesnt deserve this good family gene.. what AN ASSHOLE! all i did was swap the internet cables over cos he was being a DICK and hogging the internet all to himself so that no one else gets the internet.. so i told him.. im gonna swap them back.. so i unplugged them.. plugged it back into the router.. so now everyone has internet.. (which is the purpose of the router anyway) and he goes off and cries and slams the comp and walks off.. next minute i know my mum comes up to me and nearly strangles me dead... -.-" and plus its normal at home.. cos its a SHARED internet.. if i wanna hog it.. when bro comes in to use it .. i unplug immediately.. so now this little asshole is crying cos his game lagged for about a minute.. and slams the frikking comp down.. and then mum comes in and starts nagging about "respect" and give him 5 minutes.. like WTF hes hogging the BLOODY SLOW and CAPPED internet and you want ME to give him 5 MINUTES!!!! and worst of all.. he plays FUCKING runescape.. which caps the 10GB INTERNET!!
Now secondly.. ever since mum swapped to the super CHEAPSKATE optus and the crappily shit internnet.. its been HELL and the bloooody thing takes soo blooody long to load.. and frikking cuts off every 2 seconds.. and i have to wait for about 5 minutes to come back on.. now this litle asshole gets cut off for barely 3 seconds and then he sulks.. WHAST A DICKHEAD!
Whatever.. im sooo sick of this SHIT atm.. so im gonna just HATE him FOREVER.. cos hes a little piece of SHIT.. and i actually tried to be NICE to him.. *Slaps* what a stupid idea.. was for mum actually so we STOP fighting.. but guess whos creating this fight.. STUPID MUM! so yes.. she asked for it.. im gonna be nasty now.. and i have a reason to... so SUCK SHIT.
thinkin' of you at ... 3:54 AM
sigghh havent updated in ages.. looks like another dead blog to me.. :( hmph!
thinkin' of you at ... 1:03 AM
yay! watched what happens in vegas.. okay show. yeh.. karate time!
thinkin' of you at ... 12:46 AM
claudia
food
11/10/1990
bowler
pianist
stuffed_Duckling@Hotmail.com
` Likes.
sleep
Memories
*May 2007
*April 2008
*May 2008
