Sigh, another night of insomnia isn't doing me any favours, some nights i get so tired i fall asleep immediately.. some nights like these i stay up endlessly.. pondering all the things in my mind.. like you for starters.. like how shit this thing is right now, that i really dont want things to keep dragging anymore..

Say for now, Ive got uni, i ve got classes, studies.. you too.. just that yours is slacker than mine. I have loads of work to take home to do, study lectures, do sg hwk, etcetc. But end point is, sometimes when youre free, im not, im busy studying.. and then when i ve finally finished, youre not free, youre gone, disappeared. I dont know what to say really.. Its like Ive tried to rush my work, finished, relaxed, kept all my things, and then youve just gone.. im half stunned, half pissed off.. half just dont know what to do..

You know, give me another choice, and right now, i would still not go back to sg in June OR in november.. I dont want to face this.. I dont want to think about it, and then i dont want to start from square one all over again missing you. It really doesn't work that way you know :( I rather just store my heart away, if there's any easier way, I rather not think about it, pretend we've never gotten serious, pretend we aren't trying to make this work, and then after 2 years, dig it all back out and see what happens.. Isn't that what we're doing anyway.. whats the point of having soo much feeling in between? what does it bring? I aint nowhere near you, you aint nowhere near a frikking computer >< so... really.. isn't it better to just shove it all aside.. and just not think about anything? WHY make me go back! I DONT WANT TO! :(

I have soo many reasons why i hate having a bf.. its so restricting. I can't do what i want to, when i want to, and think whatever i like, I have to do this, do that, to "fall into the gf role".. eg, talking to you, replying constantly etc.. i tell you, i am the worst gf on earth, the "no one will ever date me" type.. and IM FINE WITH THAT!!! not that i really care. I DONT CARE! so i dont know for what reason, this guy has the authority to barge in, and all of a sudden control my life the way IT HAS NEVER BEEN BEFORE. I can study whenever i like to, watch a movie whenever i want.. AND GRRRR NOW i CANT! ><>< im always the one on now.. and youre out all weekend.. all weekdays.. WHAT!!!!! seriously! i dont care. from now on. i am doing WHAT I WANT. WHEN I WANT TO.

Im sick of this :(