step in step out

confused

2011-09-17T20:31:00.002+10:00

I feel so lost without you,
but I feel that I don't need you.
Sometimes I think I love you,
but maybe I'm better without you.

what it feels like to be lost

2011-09-17T20:24:00.001+10:00

My heart's torn into pieces,
It feels like I've lost my senses.
Turning around in circles,
wishing for a miracle

the song that speaks to me

2011-08-21T20:09:00.001+10:00

Falling a thousand feet per second
You still take me by surprise
I just know we can't be over
I can see it in your eyes
Making every kind of silence
Takes a lot to realize
It's worse to finish than to start all over
And never let it lie
And as long as I can feel you holding on
I won't fall
Even if you said I was wrong

I'm not perfect
But I keep trying
Cause that's what I said
I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely
So please don't leave
Was it something I said
Or just my personality

Making every kind of silence
It takes a lot to realize
It's worse to finish than to start all over
And never let it lie
And as long as I can feel you holding on
I won't fall
Even if you said I was wrong

I know that I'm not perfect
But I keep trying
Cause that's what I said
I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely
So please don't leave
Was it something I said
Or just my personality

When you're caught in a lie
And you've got nothing to hide
When you've got nowhere to run
And you've got nothing inside
It tears right through me
You thought that you knew me
You thought that you knew

I'm not perfect
But I keep trying
Cause that's what I said
I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely
So please don't leave
Was it something I said
Or just my personality

I'm not perfect
But I keep trying
Cause that's what I said
I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely
So please don't leave
Was it something I said
Or just my, just my
Self, just myself
Myself, just myself

I'm not perfect
But I keep trying

a very long while into the future..

2011-06-22T02:10:00.002+10:00

WOW, it's been ages since I've posted ANYTHING in this blog, I even had to reset the password. I dont believe how fast life has caught up with me, I havent had the time to sit down and think about things, what im doing, until things had gotten to this stage..

I guess, Aaron and I, in some ways, we were meant to be together. It's that gut feeling of mine that's so strong, I just know it. I'd be gutted if we didn't end up together. Yet, we nearly did, and I cant believe it ended up at this stage, and it was mainly my fault :( for being so annoyingly stubborn and terrible.. and fussy.. I just wish I was more easy going, more accepting of things in general, and maybe a little happier in life.

I think that people in a relationship should be committed, but I cannot say that they HAVE to. They want to (naturally) when they really love the other person, and that they'll do things out of love, out of feelings, and out of care and concern. It's not something that you'll remember to do just for the sake of doing things, it's the emotions behind everything that drives me to continue this relationship.. So it's because of my way of thinking, that we had a fight :( it just seems to me that you didn't care, and no matter how many times you say I love you and I'll never let you go, and don't give up on us.. it means nothing to me, because through your actions, I feel like you dont care anymore :( and mind you, that's just my way of thinking, yes you may think it's screwed up. I think it's too simple, and I've learnt my lesson. Sometimes in life, you cant expect to always feel love, theres panic, there's stress, there's excitement, there's friendship.. and love isn't always there. Actually what i meant was, love isn't always the main thing, it's always there I'm sure, but it isn't always in the foreground of thoughts. So maybe, while you're hanging out with your friends, distracted in the army, stressed out having no time to call, I guess love kinda found itself sitting in the backseat, like watching the movie of your life roll past.. please dont do this to me okay? I love you so much, you're the star of my life, I dont want to be in the backseat, watching your life go past.. I want to be up there with you, helping you make the movie of your life.

I love you aaron, always will.

Some things are just meant to be,
This love between you and me.
This maybe, could be fate
cause you feel like my soulmate.

A <3 C

i love you

2011-02-27T18:52:00.002+11:00

love is like a song
sung deeply from the heart
it takes so long
to one day master this fine art

somedays i really wish you were here with me.. yet if you arent here i get to live my life.. i get to do my own things, i get to play frisbee, i get to hang out with my friends, watch movies, live the "single life".. but no matter how satisfied i am with the turnout of all these events in my life, the key thing is.. youre still not here with me :( and i cant fully enjoy my life to the same extent as if you were here with me :(

Hope that one day when youre here with me we can do all these amazing things together..

Love you aaron =)

Australian Uni Games 2010 WOOHOO

2010-10-02T17:34:00.002+10:00

SO its been a great week at Perth.. BUT the 2 weeks before in Melbourne was equally awesome,

There was rock climbing, horse riding, (nothing at the front of the trip cause princess didnt get up) HAHA. lets see.. what else, princess type stuff! =) hahaha.. oh i clearly remember the KFC deal.. HAAHAHAH someone got stuck up there for quite some time, AND having to get me and edmund some awesome popcorn chicken =) Horse riding was pretty fun, went down to the beach for a nice trot and damm the stupid canter haha.. and on the way back was 30 awesome things :P baby can you remember them? HHAHA, i wont be surprised we actually still remember them haha =)

Lets see what else was there.. 2 awesome baking sessions in a DAY, chocolate souffle and a chocolate cake hHAAHA =) yum yum! :P and cooking lunch, slacking around at home, going for badminton, playing frisbee, hockey, edmunds gold medal =) haha.. well.. 2 weeks seem to fly by so fast, from the day we met at the airport, till our lunch, and then slacking at home, buying groceries.. now im left in sydney alone :( oh well.. i miss you baby :(

Week after Melbourne was Perth, mm it was pretty good, first night wasnt that great though, got some shitty hotel in perth city, dodgy.. but the next day was getting better, we went to freemantle.. beach, we chucked abhi into the waters =P hAHAH.. and then we had a quick lunch at the markets, then checked in, grocery shopping, bought chicken honey soy etc for dinner, potatoes, onion yum yum! after dinner was kanga court =P HAHA.. Jack had to wear a tutu =) HEHE. for being a party pooper.. well i got it the next night, but it was effing scratchy seriously.. grrr.. hhaha.. and then i got the tiara for being a princess the following night >< Sheesh..

First day at perth: pretty awesome games, we defeated 3 teams, MUD, ECU and ACPE. though the acpe game was pretty wasted >< no point going all the way to perth to play their team.. what a waste of time.. sheeshsss First night party was the best actually, went out with the whole team to paramount, had a pretty fun night dancing, clubbing etc.. came home at 1am, crashed.

Second days game was okay, we played Adelaide UNi, lost that one, but won the curtin uni game.. again, another waste of time playing curtin.. no challenge, no adrenaline.. sheesh :( didnt party that night, legs were sore, and i slept at 830 =P hehe

Third day we had a close game with flinders uni, my awesome layout catch =) and breaking the zone.. through the cup cross field =)=) hehe.. We played QUT in the morning. kinda waste of time AGAIN >< sheesh.. its like 3 good teams, the rest are like.. no point playing.. grr.... DInner was really awesome, we had a BBQ =) hehee..

Fourth day was semis, we lost to AU, and fifth day was placings we won MUD for a bronze medal =P and a MVP for meeee =) yippeee! :P

SO pretty much, thats it for my 3 weeks off.. time to get motivated, start studying.. haha =P

I miss you baby :(

It's my choice

2010-08-15T18:54:00.000+10:00

No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance.

No one stays in love by chance, it is by work.

And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice.

I wanna be with you forever, that's my choice.

given up hope.

2010-08-09T10:51:00.002+10:00

The world seems the same, i just shifted my vision from something so beautiful into the dullest and darkest side of the world, and my tears just keep rolling.. its still the same place im in.. still pretty much the same things im doing, just looking down into the other side and i cant stop crying :(

I went to see Liz Tancred today, and was reminded of all the shitty things in my life, about my mum and my dad.. why the hell would i wanna think of that.. i was gonna be a pretty decent monday.. and now. idno.. the shittest monday on earth :(

I kinda dont wanna go back for one class, just to be defiant.. afterall i am gonna quit med eventually right.. so why keep studying, why put it all the effort for ONE class.. siggh.. fail then fail lor...

hmm

2010-08-07T15:24:00.001+10:00

Hey baby, dont know if you're on or not, I am gonna play frisbee! yay! we have a decent turnout today.. looks like it =) hehe still trying to convince deb to come =) she seems to be working realllly hard LOL >< im still stuck on my assignment, hopefully finish by tonight, so tmr can go out and PLAYY! dammit... this course looks so empty.. but got SO much work >< and my assignment keeps creeping over the wordcount.. so stupidddd! >< GRR >< im done referencing, but still need to do search strategy, statement of modification etc.. just cause this is a negotiated assignment GRRR!!! im gonna tear my hair out already >< sheeshhh.... soo many lectures piling up too!! LOL i understand why deb doesnt wanna go =) but still.. heh.. mmm im gonna enjoy myself tonight! =)=) hehe okay i ll email you tonight then fatty =)

With lots of love -C

2010-08-06T12:19:00.000+10:00

for you to argue. ;)

Now it's down to number three,
It's important so listen closely.
'Cause You and Me it'll always be,
Forever endlessly, A ♥ C.

Martina McBride - My Valentine

2010-08-06T00:07:00.004+10:00

♪♫
"If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you

If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you

And even if the sun refuse to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
You're all I need
My love, my valentine"~
♪♫

P.S. I was missing you soo much when suddenly this song started playing :) perfect lyrics. Loving you always, my darling valentine ♥

so far so good =)

2010-08-04T23:05:00.002+10:00

Yay, things are getting back to normal, im slowly catching up with work, working throughout the week.. usually i dont do that, work only on saturdays, one day per week enough to clear a whole weeks worth of work.. not anymore, working super hard to try to get good grades.. well now im extremely happy with them.. but apparently not happy enough for some people :( siggh the world is so hard to please.. MAN! :(

Sigh, tmr another long day, got hospital 1230, lects till 11am, ccs 2-5.. no break in between hosp and ccs.. though it ll be good practise to talk to more patients.. reckon this tutor is pretty good =) mm.. so far im gettin quite comfy talking to patients, usually i nearly shit myself hAHHAH.. now its okay, and im getting better at taking bp too!! =D very accurate now =)=) hehe seems like i still enjoy being a doctor, i enjoy what i study.. so yeah.. i guess i really wanna stick with it.. its just that bit inbetween when i know that everything might just disappear, might as well do something that i can confirm finish.. well.. people take risks right? everyday, in the morning, waking up facing the day is a risk.. drinking, drugs are all risks. Doing medicine is a risk for me too.. putting in so much hard work, and not knowing at the day if i ll finish it or not.. sigghhh... :(:(:(

On a higher note, baby is coming to melbourne! =D IM SOO EXCITED!! >< you better train me up for frisbee i tell you, if i turn into a fat pig before uni games, i will SOOO KILL YOU! >< unigames is like the HIGHLIGHT of my year, the only thing tahts keeping me going here.. well frisbee in general is.. mm and its damm exp and i really wanna play well =) cause then i can make my other goals come true too! nationals =) and regionals next year.. haha.. =D regionals are very likely.. nationals.. well... we shall see =D=D im waiting for my soccer boots to come in.. heh heh.. =D=D

Mm.. finished my lecture for tonight, took me 3 hours to do it >< gawwdd talking to you, talking to another friend, and facebook, dl the game.. listening to music.. lol all distractions.. HAHA.. mm.. i cant wait to see you baby =D but i aint looking forward to NS.. you know when something's flying too fast into your face eg. frisbee disc, you tend to go backwards, shuffle back, and try to hope that it slows down.. same thing with your ns.. its flying at me so fast, another 5 more months.. and then 2 years of not seeing you.. sometimes i kinda think of backing out.. hoping that it will lessen the impact when it hits me.. and i fail to catch it.. or live with it.. it ll knock me over pretty bad :( and i cant imagine what its like for you.. cheryl seems to be dying already.. HAHAA ><

Mm.. i guess when things come, we shall have to deal with them one by one eyy.. =P like where im gonna be next year for starters.. and then where YOURE gonna be after ns.. then the whole NS thing.. GRRR >< stupid singapore.. add that to the pile of reasons why i hate singapore.. because they are taking my bf away from me :(:( for 2 years.. :(:( BUT! they are turning him into a total HUNK! =D heh! yippee! so i guess thanks?? LOL =P

haha okay its wayyyy past bedtime.. i SHOULD sleep.. =D

I love my fatty teddy =)

-C

emo again

2010-08-03T08:56:00.000+10:00

Siggh, I hug teddy to sleep every night, hoping that he might somehow fill this emptyness in my heart.. up to now, i have always pretended that was the case, but now, i don't think that can happen anymore, i miss you too much :(:( Yesterday talking to you so much, felt like you were so close to me once again, and today, yeah.. the back to being alone feeling is hitting me again.. well i gotta stay strong, its been a week since i saw that psych and i havent cried.. doesnt mean im feeling better though.. still feeling as shitty.. oh well :(
-C

let's keep fighting

2010-08-01T20:00:00.002+10:00

Nothing can get me down, im flying high on top of the world!! yay!!! im soo happy today.. happy to get out running, happy to get some sunshine.. happy to just be in my life right now.. its so great.. and why am i complaining about everything just a week ago.. because well now theres a way out, there always IS gonna be a way outta everything.. its just up to me to find it.. =)=)

Baby, only one thing i haven't found a way out, is how to cheat myself of my own emotions and not face up to the truth that 6 months from now, we re gonna be apart for so long, yet deep in my heart i wanna just keep telling myself you ll always be there.. we ll always love each other =) which IS true btw.. haha..mm.. doesnt make a difference whether youre here anot.. i ll pretend to psychic with you about 6000 km s away.. =)

Love you nut.

:(:(

2010-07-31T22:29:00.000+10:00

There are some things I wish I never have to face up to, some things i never have to think about, some things i never have to do.. but life being shitty, i have to do them, have to get through them. Its best that i stick to my guns, and just DO them. sighhh.. what is life then? the nice things that people say it is, is it really? =(=( THere comes a time when i ve just HAD enough.. sick of everything :( wish that it ll all go away.. pleeeease??? pretty please :(:(

I dont wanna think about it anymore.. sleeping pills and good nights for me..

-C

My love =)

2010-07-30T20:01:00.000+10:00

This time I know this love is real,
So strong, so deep in me, I can feel.
The promise we have, our little deal,
what happens, only time can reveal.
- To Fatty =)

life isn't fair?

2010-07-28T09:58:00.002+10:00

Really baby? life isn't fair? of all the people in the world, someone put us 2 together.. ( i blame eugene HAHA) and even though someone gave us all the problems in the world, isn't it easier for us to go through them together? well thats unless IM the problem =) HAHA. but when you have so many things to worry about, i kinda realised that youre NOT the problem, but youre my solution to all the problems, the only reason why im keeping myself going, the only reason why im still caring. If not its SCREW THIS WORLD! >< mm haha.. anyway, NUT! hang in there =) dont start rolling off the cliff and making me chase you.. because you know, you got fatter, and i lost weight, you ll roll down faster than me HAHAHAHAH =P and bounce of a coupla rocks on the way too.. HAHAHAHAHA!! =)

-Chipmunk

love will find a way..

2010-07-28T09:45:00.001+10:00

Remember lion king? yup.. from kindy and primary school.. Love will find a way =) hehe..

nothing to look forward to..

2010-07-28T02:58:00.003+10:00

Insomnia again. It's 1am and I'm feeling so awake. Even when I feel tired I don't want to sleep, and when I wake up I don't want to get out of bed. I guess I just dont want to close my eyes and wake up to another depressing day.. Exactly like the morning you were leaving and the night after you left now I think about it. There's nothing to look forward to and the day after the next just gets darker and darker. Maybe it's dad being sick with no apparent sign of recovery, or that exams are around the corner and I'm worried I wont make it, or perhaps it's me still missing you and coping with you gone.. Either way I've lost the motivation to drive me forward, the reason to make me believe things will get better. You were always that bright star in the sky giving me hope, and without you I'm lost again.

Sighh life isn't fair, even you are surrounded by problems of your own, probably even more than me :( Still, I'm sure we'll get past this stressful period and in 3-4 weeks time, this would be a past memory with faded emotions. For now, we'll have to hang in there and stay strong, just as we always have.

Loving and missing you, more than you'll ever know.

Yours Always,
-NUT :)

A poem

2010-07-23T23:07:00.002+10:00

Baby it's you,
together with me
baby hold my hand,
forever till the end.

Baby its you,
forever with me.
Baby take my heart,
forever we will be.

We walked through the park,
from sunset till dark
footprints left behind,
memories in my mind.

The way you looked at me,
the way you stole my hand
Its time to let things be
don't worry they ll be fine

Doesn't it sound like a song? HAHA =)
Love you!

-C

thanks to my best friend =)

2010-07-23T22:07:00.000+10:00

Mm, i feel so much better now, chuck away the mountain pile of tissues, and i m feeling better. Thanks mishy! =) for the big candy also =)=)

2010-07-23T19:26:00.003+10:00

Sigh.. blogging is one thing, you can only do it when theres something on your mind, something that you really wanna get off, something you just wanna chuck onto this thing.. just you know.. offload.. sigghh.. todays one of those days i feel like offloading.. it kinda started off fine, i was smiling when i went off to school, felt like we were close, felt like i was close to you, and then after awhile, sydney kinda drew me back to where i was, HERE.. right HERE, and hows this close to you? even while watching himym, i keep seeing lily and marshall, robin and don, and i get all sad and teary, because you aint here. :( and i feel so alone.. I guess deb being away kinda adds to it. It's so different with her away.. sigghh yet when she's here, i have to TRY not to cry, but when she's not, all my emotions just fly out. I just feel like I need a good cry, a good offloading session.

I kinda have a confession, well it's kinda, maybe big.. but you know the first time when i came back in feb, i really couldn't deal with you being away, it was quite bad, well they are all bad. And the internet at that hotel thing didnt work, i panicked, begged the lady and she gave me internet. Then i clearly remembered, i went out for dinner, came home, talked awhile and cried myself to sleep. Because i didnt know what to do.. its like all of a sudden im lost. And im not at home. When i went home to Melbourne in 09, i kinda at least had my bed, my stuff toys, the environment i knew. But in '10, i had this weird hotel, with ONE bed, im meant to share a bed with Deb? lOL not used to sharing a bed with ANYONE FULL STOP. And so that night, i really could only think of one thing to do. Pretend we broke up. pretend i dont have feelings for you anymore. Well for awhile, that helped. I kept my heart firmly closed for about a week, pretending you were just some.. friend.. pretending i didnt love you. But now when i think about it, i actually do.. i still loved you throughout that time when i was lost, still smiled at the comp screen while talking to you, even through the stress, i still felt like.. you were a part of me. you were someone i HAD to talk to, HAD to find out how you were, Had to know how your day went.. and yet i was trying to convince myself that was a breakup.. no way..

Now, today, i wish i could think of it as we broke up, no more feelings. But its never gonna happen. I love you so much baby, and i miss you so much its tearing me up :( I just really wanna tell you, baby, till the end of time, i ll be here for you. Dont miss me so much k? It sucks being this sad.. and ive tried helping myself, believe me, i ve tried. But at least a bit of this still reminds me how much i love you, reminding me what we have is so strong, even tearing me up..

Sigghh.. i aint done crying yet. Maybe at the end of this i ll see a rainbow.. i hope so.

Miss you baby, especially much tonight. You cant possibly miss me more.

Nites.

Just get used to it..

2010-07-22T20:46:00.002+10:00

You know in life, things come your way, whether you like it or not, Things just happen. Shitty things, good things, sometimes awesome things, sometimes just not so good things.. Well.. its all about getting used to it, adapting, changing, and continue life the way it was.. Taking all these into your stride. and keep going. Right?

Haha, over the top a little bit, but when you actually do it, it kinda tones down into a normal level of living life.. and thats where i used to be..

After this holiday, i just kinda forgotten what my life here was.. came back, i was like a lost little goldfish that just came home from exploring the ocean.. suddenly forgot what the tank was like.. and why so small and so shitty.. but actually, i love my tank, just the way it is. And i ve just gotta accept it that the ocean is a great place, and i ll be back soon.. to see my other half in the other ocean.. but still.. now i live in the tank, and im still just as happy =)

Mm.. funny thing is, I have learnt to accept things, accept that you love me, and accept that i love you just as much. Accept that we are so far away, and accept that things cant change (unless i... pass some test LOL) but no thats not happening, and for now.. i aint stuck, its just the way things are, and i have to accept that..

Baby, you say you have troubles accepting, but its really easy.. and i think you ve kinda done it already.. before i accepted things, a little bit of triggering things can make me cry. say i was playing cards with deb, triggers memories.. and everything touches sensitive spots in my head.. and tears just roll down.. uncontrollably.. but now.. i can tell myself, i accept that youre so far away, and im fine.. and thats when i START to accept things.. because im sure if i told myself that a few times i d still break down and cry..

baby, no one can accept things overnight, but i think we re doing just fine =)Love you for being you, and for making me so happy! =)

-C

2010-07-22T01:41:00.000+10:00

Lately, I've been blocking out the world around me, content to stay stuck in my room moping around and ignoring the things that need to be done, looking away from to the things that should be seen. It's like I'm creating my own little bubble that nothing can penetrate; no pain, no worries, no happiness. I've turned a cold shoulder to reality, reluctant to face the fact that you're thousands of miles away again.. just as I've avoided thinking about spending 2years apart from you. I know eventually I'll have to face it, but I'm afraid of what will happen when I decide that things can't be blotted out just by procrastinating, and that it's time to come to terms with them. Soon the day will come that I must face the harsh facts, accept the emotions that I'm shutting out.. and feel the pain that will tear my heart out.

Okay I'm starting to sound seriously depressing.. sorry baby =/ (I blame you for making me emo =P) Point is baby, when it comes to accepting this.. I guess you're the one who needs to help me. Coz as you can see, I'm not actually dealing with it either.

-A

Youre the only memory no one can ever touch.

2010-07-21T18:27:00.002+10:00

There are some places where no one can ever touch, some places that always belong to you. No matter what things are, no one can ever take everything away from you. No matter how hard my life his now, its nothing compared to the world outside, The world im gonna have to face one day, the world im gonna have to live in.

But no matter what, i shall always keep that part in me to myself. it will always be mine.

Mm.. that was from an awesome movie i watched today, taught me about friends, about the people you cant live without, and a thing about hope. Sigh, makes me miss you all the more.. I can't imagine already thinking about my life with you.. mm.. today, i guess.. well now, i reallly miss you, wish i can tell you how much i love you. (shoot i better not cry, deb is outside haha), wish i can tell you how important you are, and youre the memory in me that no one can ever steal. I love you baby.. always =)

Okay, i shall imagine youre here, but youre just invisible..

2010-07-20T10:59:00.000+10:00

Hi Baby! =)

I shall just imagine youre invisible for now, and still talk to you =P ohh you know.. today.. i didnt go for lects right, deb woke up, PANICKED, i feel so bad now.. shes relying on my alarm to wake her up.. ahh well.. i was totally chilled this morning, until she smsed awhile later, saying The hard lecture was the FIRST one.. and for a second i also panicked.. but im like meh.. nothing i can do, even if i rush like siao i still only make the last 5 minutes. you know.. its no biggie.. uni focuses on SELF directed learning crap.. so i had a relaxing brekkie, washed up, and slowly cracked down on the hard lecture.. turns out it wasnt so hard after all! and if you were still here, id finish up and go back to sleep =) HEH! take another day off work or sth =)=) hehe.. anyway, now that that's done, im feeling on top of the world yippee! i shall go cook lunch and watch himym.. cheer me up a little.. i feel like talking to you 24/7.. you know how we re so close and all that.. NS IS gonna be a pain.. the not talking to you, the distance is gonna really kill me :( sigghh i aint looking forward to that, 3 weeks of TOTALLY not talking to you.. BABYY!!! i hate you again =) hehehe...

Okay, time for MY TIME, relaxing =)

BYEEE LOVEE YOUUU!!! FAT NUT! =)

my first post, my last love.

2010-07-20T01:04:00.000+10:00

My heart has never felt a thing,
Until I met this girl.
She made me laugh, she made me smile,
She overturned my world.

I never expected it to come this far,
it was a twist of fate.
Brought us together, forever and ever,
My one and only soulmate.

I love you baby, you're my everything. ♥

P.S. I didn't know how to save it in your profile =X

baby because you read, i write, because you breathe, i live, youre all that matters to me.

2010-07-20T00:05:00.000+10:00

I LOVE YOU, and I MISS YOU, and I WANNA BE WITH YOU. thats all thats on my mind.. oh apart from the I DONT WANNA DO ANYTHING, and i so wanna tell that facilitator to F off.. cause shes effing annoying with all her bullshitttt! sigghh.. i ve been thinking so much, my tears stop rolling, yet i feel the same even when im crying.. i just cbs with the blocked nose and the red eyes.. sore eyes after awhile.. NAH.. EFF that! baby, im done crying for you, but i still feel you everywhere, youre just not here.. and thats not fair.. when people die, i see patients die ( not yet, but i will), i can imagine the pain in their family for losing that person, but it is FIXED, theres nothing to be done about it.. and then after a year, or 2, most of the family still think of the deceased, but in a good way, as in they were there, they shared their lives, but now theyre gone, but its okay, because at least i still have my memories etc..

Now.. it feels like youre gone, i have my memories, but i cant get over the fact that youre gone, because youre still here, you still talk to me everyday, not to the extent htat youre dead, but like.. coma? and all the times that i see you in my dreams, or talk to you on msn.. thats become my LIFE, eveyrthing else.. doesnt matter anymore.. cept that that IS my life, and if i dont pick myself up and keep walking, im SCREWED for ever.. sigghh.. its so difficult sometimes, but i still love you so much =)

Some say youre my other half,
but i think youre my whole
Baby, only you can make me laugh,
I ll love you till youre old =)

OLD because you ll be grumpy later.. hehe and not panic when i m dying =)

LOVE YOU SO MUCH

i've had enough

2010-06-16T23:51:00.000+10:00

Sigh, another night of insomnia isn't doing me any favours, some nights i get so tired i fall asleep immediately.. some nights like these i stay up endlessly.. pondering all the things in my mind.. like you for starters.. like how shit this thing is right now, that i really dont want things to keep dragging anymore..

Say for now, Ive got uni, i ve got classes, studies.. you too.. just that yours is slacker than mine. I have loads of work to take home to do, study lectures, do sg hwk, etcetc. But end point is, sometimes when youre free, im not, im busy studying.. and then when i ve finally finished, youre not free, youre gone, disappeared. I dont know what to say really.. Its like Ive tried to rush my work, finished, relaxed, kept all my things, and then youve just gone.. im half stunned, half pissed off.. half just dont know what to do..

You know, give me another choice, and right now, i would still not go back to sg in June OR in november.. I dont want to face this.. I dont want to think about it, and then i dont want to start from square one all over again missing you. It really doesn't work that way you know :( I rather just store my heart away, if there's any easier way, I rather not think about it, pretend we've never gotten serious, pretend we aren't trying to make this work, and then after 2 years, dig it all back out and see what happens.. Isn't that what we're doing anyway.. whats the point of having soo much feeling in between? what does it bring? I aint nowhere near you, you aint nowhere near a frikking computer >< so... really.. isn't it better to just shove it all aside.. and just not think about anything? WHY make me go back! I DONT WANT TO! :(

I have soo many reasons why i hate having a bf.. its so restricting. I can't do what i want to, when i want to, and think whatever i like, I have to do this, do that, to "fall into the gf role".. eg, talking to you, replying constantly etc.. i tell you, i am the worst gf on earth, the "no one will ever date me" type.. and IM FINE WITH THAT!!! not that i really care. I DONT CARE! so i dont know for what reason, this guy has the authority to barge in, and all of a sudden control my life the way IT HAS NEVER BEEN BEFORE. I can study whenever i like to, watch a movie whenever i want.. AND GRRRR NOW i CANT! ><>< im always the one on now.. and youre out all weekend.. all weekdays.. WHAT!!!!! seriously! i dont care. from now on. i am doing WHAT I WANT. WHEN I WANT TO.

Im sick of this :(

Awesome frisbeeing

2010-06-05T14:30:00.000+10:00

So.. it turned out to be a fantastic start to the weekend after all, hanging out with the cool frisbee people last night, really enjoyed myself, =) and then frisbee this morning was SOO FUN! =) i did 2 amazing hucks that blew my mind off.. didnt really think i could do them but oh well =) itwas fun after all. sigghhh i would soo miss unsw if i have to go to tassie.. now that im enjoying myself soo much.. is it really worth that much all that dad was saying, to go there after all? :( it probably still is.. but to me i would love to stay, despite this place starting off as a shithole, now its starting to grow on me.. and also cause baby nut will be coming over =) and i wanna be here when he does..

I love my baby nut to pieces =) hehe

been hugging teddy the whole day..

2010-05-22T23:13:00.000+10:00

Mm it feels odd not to talk to you for so long.. is it normal to feel that.. psychologically.. the further away you are, the more i love you? Is that anyway possible? so.. does that also mean.. that i dont love you if youre close to me? (applying that theory in opposite).. hmmm i wonder if that will happen one day.. ive seen it happen to so many people.. eg mum and dad, their closeness after 20 years results in boredom, tiredness, hatred.. and so many more negative feelings.. that eventually what does it end up in? STUPID STUPID horrible fights.. :( so.. worth it to be together? for so long?

I ve all along never really wanted a relationship.. never wanted to fall for anyone.. been always careful around the guys i hang out with.. sure i might have a problem if they like me, or whatever, i dont really care, but it takes me DARN bloody long, or never actually, to fully trust guys, trust what they say, trust that they actually listen, but i can be friends with them. Thats the extent to which me and guys go..

Yet theres this one guy, that has stolen all my heart, i tried not to fall in love with you, but it just happened, feelings got outta control i must admit.. i cant grab hold of them anymore.. so might as well heh.. just sit still and fall in love with my nut =) heh..

Mm.. i missed that stupid nut so much today.. maybe its because hes gotten further away.. not like he can get any further away.. but i cant talk to him for so long.. that makes me so sad :( makes me miss him even more.. stupid NUT! sigghhh so i ended up hugging teddy the whole day.. grouching and mumbling and sighing... and really wanting this and that.. cravings.. thai sweet sticky rice desert =( missing you.. and missing the deserts =P hahahah!

oh well.. i hope my nut is having a lot of fun.. and that hes happy.. cause if hes always happy.. i will be happy for him too =) teddy will do daily reports for me =P hehehe.. soo nut! stay happy okay?

and chipmunk will love you forever. =)

falling down..

2010-05-19T22:15:00.000+10:00

sigghh i just cant help feeling emo again tonight, it just feels like a part of me missing, and i m really stuck, dont know what to do, dont feel like doing anything again.. maybe its time for gym tmr.. before all the emoness builds up in me.. sigghh first, i dont know why im writing in this blog.. the only person that reads it is you and me..

On another note.. my idea of never having kids is reinforced today by witnessing caesarian and vaginal delivery videos.. HORRIBLY live like in hospital.. lol.. ended up cringing nearly through all of SG session.. URRGHHHH.. and im like thankful for my mum who gave up everything for me and all.. but seriously.. nah.. not interested in giving up anything esp my job.. for those little parasites that suck nutrients off their mums and control their lives afterwards by crying a hellll LOT.. seriously.. ANNOYING bums.. haha.. =P i was one just ten years ago.. and i cant imagine how mum dealt with me.. LOL =P now thinking back on it.. woulda been funner if i had been a bigger bum =) HAHA.. lol okay thats mean.. hehe..

Of all things tonight i really started thinking about all the what ifs.. what if i didnt know you, what would i be doing tonight? What would i be thinking of? what would my life be? What if i knew you but didnt fall in love with you? or what if i knew you, loved you, but didnt choose to go out with you. Would i still be driving myself this crazy at the slightest possible chance that we might be together in the end? what if this doesnt work out? and the last what if.. what if you dont love me anymore? sigghhh i dont know why im thinking all of this.. why all the uncertainties..

I feel as if our lives are swapped around.. im the one thinking a hell lot more this time.. and i thought last time was bad.. last time it was the stress.. but it was still finding someone else to be there.. and missing the real person who i was supposed to be with.. :( man how did things turned out this way.. ive always had the impression that i would be strong enough to make it out on my own, dont need a guy next to me, even if a guy does like me.. well he can, but i can imagine myself not needing him in most ways.. but then this guy.. crazily got my heart.. and now i can list almost a million reasons why i need him there for me.. why i love him so much.. why he makes me so sad.. and i can no longer go back to being that independent girl that thinks she can take on the world.. that thinks no guy can get her down. yet clearly this guy comes along and easily knocks her over.. now she cant stand up again :(

well, i have to admit it, i like being the independent girl more, than the girl crying on the floor.. i like the old me, that didnt get hurt by anyone, who knew what to do without asking anyone, who had a clear mind.. yet that stupid girl.. after falling down, she still cant see clearly how to get back up on her feet..

Now being the fallen girl, i think i ll just sit here and cry.. cause i cant see whats happened to me, i cant see that a good thing has resulted from my fall.. cant see the angel that swept me away.. neither can i see the fact that life on the ground is better.. :(

Sigghhh :( please let me get up.. i wanna get back on my feet.. and continue my life.. maybe when i stand up i can see what it was like being on the floor.. maybe then i ll wish for myself to fall down again :(

Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid idiot me..

fallen in love..

2010-05-16T22:25:00.000+10:00

Wow.. its been long since i blogged.. but i guess i still love this blog.. cause it reminds me of my horrid childhood that now i can laugh at it.. heh.. i didnt turn out too bad i think =) hehe
Sighh.. just yesterday i was feeling so emo.. about someone being so far away.. yet today im kinda happy cause frisbee was awesome =P i caught so many goals.. girls get double points so they kept looking for me in the endzone =) haha..

Anyway.. im glad to say ive you.. despite all the pain.. despite all the loneliness and sadness.. its awesome being with you, and im super happpy while youre here.. so baby. dont you ever go away =P cause every bit of my heart belongs to you. and yes im talking about you =P=P hehe..

Mm.. thank you for being a part of my life.. thank you for making me who i am. and thank you for all those memories that i will cherish forever.. Whoever tries to steal them will have to pry them out of my stone cold hands.. and then get a slap across their face =P ahahhaah!

Gooood night!

another year has past

2009-10-14T14:18:00.000+11:00

there goes another year.. and what have i achieved.. hmm apart from all the pain inside me.. nothing else much.. i feel like im torn in 2.. everywhere torn in 2.. dont know where my heart is.. dont know what my head tells me to do.. i keep thinking about it every day, every moment.. and its just there, but no matter how much i think about it.. i just cant seem to see it clearly.. until i ve made my mistake.

on a happier note, my bday was last sunday.. super fun day! dad actually came over for my concert on friday.. =) and then took me out to hunter valley and gosford ( where we went 10 years ago on our trip to sydney ) had a nice lunch, dinner, nice quality time spent together.. reminded me so much of whats missing now.. what could be my life..

I dont know what im doing in australia, what im doing here in sydney.. why im doing medicine.. why shouldnt i? its so stressful.. and difficult.. sometimes i just want to give up. but i knw i can make it! i can struggle on.. i just need some motivation, hunting for that now.. first in sg.. didnt like it, melbourne was so nice,, i was just getting into it, making my foundations in music as an accompanist, i just wished i didnt have to move, to give up music, and all my friends there. Im sure sydney will be just as good, but it ll take some time for me to settle in here, before having to move back to melbourne again =( but its not a bad thing, its just that moving here and there doesnt allow me to be with the one person that i love most =( and thats what tears my heart apart.

2008-10-11T23:05:00.000+11:00

its my birthday today, but it sure doesnt feel like it.. i feel that something has changed.. and its not what it used to be anymore.. months ago,, or weeks ago.. everything was already different.. but i liked the past better, and today kinda reminded me a lot of the past, that i dearly miss.. like my closest friends in singapore who still remember my birthday today! :D and my close friends here who dont even say anything :( I dont want much in life.. but i i think i know whats missing.. its that happiness everyday, when i know that my friends are there for me.. and these 4 years i have just been missing that.. now i know why.. meanwhile all my friends in singapore move on because everyone gets so busy.. but yet im stuck here and i somehow just feel so empty.. resorting to shopping on a daily basis.. just to cure my loneliness.. its quite depressing actually.. and the only thing keeping me going is my music and the saturday MYM where i just feel settled in even though i dont know them really well.. i feel like they are a very caring bunch.. Somehow i just know something is missing from this life.. really miss the past.. but i know its time to move on.. took me ages to figure it out but now i know.. I thought it was over.. i tried to forget it.. but now its coming back all in one shot again.. and i dont know what to do :( i dont know if i should stay back.. or just go ahead with what i want to do.. and i know either way i ll just regret it.. okay im thinking maybe i shouldnt post this.. but i think i should.. and then im gonna tuck my lil sorry ass into bed and wish myself happy 18th! Gdnight!

2008-10-08T20:28:00.000+11:00

i have soo many things to worry about.. like that music essays that i have to do if not i pretty much lose 25 marks on the exam.. but i just cant get round to doing it.. :(:( and like that chemistry stuff where iahve to read up everything and cover loophopes.. and what about that spesh sac coming up.. and all the 7th chords in aural.. dominat minor major diminished half diminished.. and all those scales lydian dorian phrygian minor lydian> and what else.. loads of stuff.. i dno im just stressed i guess...

2008-10-08T20:11:00.000+11:00

okay i havent been blogging for ages.. but i feel the need to rant, more like to yell.. but this will do for now.. GRR that lil shit brother of mine :( decided to piss me offf soo badly, i had to use the internet, and my stupid laptop has a crappy internet connection so it was 1030.. and him and mum slept at 9pm so i didnt bother waking them up so i just hopped on HIS comp.. which is a one year old pretty much NEW windows XP DESKTOP while i have a 6 year OLD laptop that mum chucked on the floor cos shes an idiot.. so then my connections are all loose.. so my internet is shit! and edmund comes out all of a sudden and he goes.. sis, can you ask me when you use my comp.. what a dickhead.. and then he goes and tell mum.. mum sis dickhead and so he goes and tell mum and then the next day mum jumps at my throat for not giving him enough privacy, respect.. comon hes a 12 year old kid with a NEW computer.. i only had a computer to USE when i was in sec 2!!! what an IDIOT!!! and now its HIS comp> and since when did i get stuck with THIS shit SHIT
SHIT
SHIT
SHIT
SHIT
SHIT!!! COMP!!!! FUCK IT!

2008-09-08T20:54:00.001+10:00

okay i feel the need to rant.. firstly about the SHIT HEAD LIL PIECE OF ASSHOLE brother i have.. if there is such a thing as genetic modification.. i wuold be the first one to put a new gene in him.. cos he doesnt deserve this good family gene.. what AN ASSHOLE! all i did was swap the internet cables over cos he was being a DICK and hogging the internet all to himself so that no one else gets the internet.. so i told him.. im gonna swap them back.. so i unplugged them.. plugged it back into the router.. so now everyone has internet.. (which is the purpose of the router anyway) and he goes off and cries and slams the comp and walks off.. next minute i know my mum comes up to me and nearly strangles me dead... -.-" and plus its normal at home.. cos its a SHARED internet.. if i wanna hog it.. when bro comes in to use it .. i unplug immediately.. so now this little asshole is crying cos his game lagged for about a minute.. and slams the frikking comp down.. and then mum comes in and starts nagging about "respect" and give him 5 minutes.. like WTF hes hogging the BLOODY SLOW and CAPPED internet and you want ME to give him 5 MINUTES!!!! and worst of all.. he plays FUCKING runescape.. which caps the 10GB INTERNET!!

Now secondly.. ever since mum swapped to the super CHEAPSKATE optus and the crappily shit internnet.. its been HELL and the bloooody thing takes soo blooody long to load.. and frikking cuts off every 2 seconds.. and i have to wait for about 5 minutes to come back on.. now this litle asshole gets cut off for barely 3 seconds and then he sulks.. WHAST A DICKHEAD!

Whatever.. im sooo sick of this SHIT atm.. so im gonna just HATE him FOREVER.. cos hes a little piece of SHIT.. and i actually tried to be NICE to him.. *Slaps* what a stupid idea.. was for mum actually so we STOP fighting.. but guess whos creating this fight.. STUPID MUM! so yes.. she asked for it.. im gonna be nasty now.. and i have a reason to... so SUCK SHIT.

2008-08-28T18:03:00.000+10:00

sigghh havent updated in ages.. looks like another dead blog to me.. :( hmph!

2008-08-25T17:46:00.000+10:00

yay! watched what happens in vegas.. okay show. yeh.. karate time!

2008-08-20T20:11:00.000+10:00

finally back from gold coast.. wouldnt wanna say much about my trip cept that it was a lil boring.. thank gosh there was the olympics.. or i would seriously screaaaammm.. one bro was crying all the time.. other bro wanted to buy heaps of stuff.. oh well.. finally over.. now i can get back into the swing of things and get started with my VCE... hate ballarat comp.. what a piece of shit. MEHHH!!!

2008-08-13T19:39:00.000+10:00

sigghhh! ive been feeling really stressed out lately.. too stressed that ive been munching on chocolates like crazy and all my pimples are popping out! yuck! anyway.. ballarat tomorrow.. and i have this feeling that im totally gonna screw it up.. but then again.. i never screw anything up.. to do with piano.. that is.. cos usually.. i somehow manage to think and then pull everything together.. by chance. and so far it hasnt disappointed me.. but this time.. i have a sinking feeling in my heart.. and i just dont feel like going.. and i know this is the time that im gonna learn my lesson.. to practise WAY before any competition.. which will be a good lesson to learn especially before my final exam.. then again.. if i ace this.. i ll never learn an important lesson to practise before i go.. yes speaking of practise.. today.. piano for about 5 hours!!! crazy as.. never before.. usually before amus exam it was 4 hours but that was school holidays.. and now today.. a perfect day for slacking.. and yet i practised 5 hours.. oh well.. and still have LOADS of hwk to do.. wish i went to monash today :(

-- Chem qns and slides
-- Spesh exercises.. and checkpoints
-- PACK GOLD COAST THINGS!!
-- PACK MY STUFF TO BALLARAT!!
-- do English cuttings journal
-- yes find some MORE articles
-- and do another ESSAY..
-- check in 24 hours before flight. *hopefully dad remembers*
-- hurry up get PR..
-- SLEEP!! yes.. finally...

tomrrow have to wake up at 4.. leave house at 445.. for my bros flights to Gold Coast at 630.. yes.. 2 of the lil brats are GONE! yes.. but i dont feel the slightest bit happy.. cos im gonna be totally humiliated at ballarat.. and the adjudicator.. is this awesome person.. that has STACKS of experience and.. and hes gonna pick on me :(:(:( wish i didnt do my research on him.. but its usually good to know a lil about the adjudicator.. sigghhh not in my case.. oh well sleep time! goodnight!
If i sleep now (748 pm) i get roughly 8 hours of sleep.. maybe a lil less.. hmmmmm..

2008-08-10T21:40:00.001+10:00

had SOOO much fun today!!! life goes sooo quickly when im having fun! and yet sooo slowly when youre not around :D hehe..

2008-08-08T17:44:00.000+10:00

yay! its time for an official update here.. not like i have a lot of time anyway.. just finished washing a STACK of dishes from dinner.. and they all just chucked it on the table to dry up.. practically had to swallow that beef steak.. haha and i eat slow.. hmmm and then after this.. i need a shower.. and btw i had dinner at 445.. cos the lil bum needed to play hockey tonight at 6.. -.-" continuing the list of hwk i have to do:
--Chem test (bloody frikking million pages LONG, take home test stupid.. but thanks for the time dwyer took to create it for us.. totally UN---UN-----UN----UNnecessary..
--English "work requirement" essay.. yeh bullshit..
--practise piano..
--practise viola
--pack my bag for goldcoast
--study for chem sac.. yeh right.. as if!

hehe i cant believe i nearly stuffed up todays prac AGAIN.. didnt read.. stuffed up the last one.. we forgot to continue measuring after the power supply was cut off.. and i just chucked out the water inside.. oops! and today.. i poured the wrong thing into the caloriemeter.. oops :P again.. haha no big damage.. but our results arent that great though.. hmm make them up? :) hah

And i was meant to go to badminton today.. and here goes that long story.. ms cabble put me as 4th so it means i will get subbed. cos they can only sub the 4th player sth.. didnt quite get what she said.. but i heard SUBBED.. so i didnt want to miss a day at school just to go and get subbed.. so i didnt go.. and then she showed me the list.. and LEENA this YEAR 11 girl was on it.. wth.. she doesnt even know who leena is.. (year 12) and she watches us at training.. and shes making this assumption that this leena girl is better than me (maybe) but she doesnt know who she is.. and what she said was.. oh leenas this other year 11 girl.. wtf? shows how much attention she really gives to us.. or maybe she just got bugged by some asian kids that want only "true" asians on the team.. wtf,, dont really care anymore.. i want to go to Ballarat!

and trash all the kids there in piano :P wheeeee!!! 250 bucks in it for me :P and then on friday flying off to GOLD COAST! for a holiday !!! well not technically a holiday.. its meant to be us following dad and mum there for a conference.. we dont exactly have a choice.. hahaha.. but it ll be super fun! and cruise.. with high tea? :):) sounds fun! yummy japanese food.. and nice cakes and ICECREAM!!! omgomgomg my stomach is practically begging for food right now.. even though i just finished my dinner.. haha

Yes, i shall update with some pics! my recent truffle maniac day, which tastes absolutely YUMMY :):) anyone want the recipe? :)

hehe sooo.. thats it! looking forward to next week.. must practise hard for piano! its everything to me now :) its all that i have left.. :D:D:D:D

2008-08-01T22:36:00.000+10:00

hmm a real quick update, really busy lately, just had to book about 5 transactions, 4 actually but in the end dad wanted me to book didnt really mind booking but the thing is that credit card fee is sooo much! just to pay by credit card, every transaction is about 4 dollars per item per transaction kinda thing.. so in the end paid about 30 ish dollars for all the transaction.. and FINALLY after all the requests and cheap flights... SETTLED! yippee going to gold coast on friday to monday 15-18 of august.. hahah :D holiday right smack in the middle of term.. which reminds me i have to do:
Chem catch up work,
Practise viola
Practise piano
Spesh homework
Eng essay
Eng transcription generic qns
study for Eng sac
practise mym pieces
pack room
pack bag for goldcoast
do chem checkpoints
Music performance essays
cook truffles! before cream expires -.-"
see so much WORK to do... and music tomorrow.. have to wake up early catch the 759 train at mitcham.. well 802 at nunawading and im gonna reach there ridiculously early, and freeze but not early enough to catch the earlier train.. cos GODAMM edmund wants to leave fcking early for his hockey game.. which I have zero tolerance for.. hockey starts at 835, and he wants to REACH there at 8.. its a bloody half an hour drive ish.. so we have to leave at 730 and i ll probs miss the earlier train cos we never leave at 730.. usually around 740.. and the train goes to nunawading at 742!!! and nunawadings exactly 7 minutes away.. oh well.. selfish little brother.. HALF AN HOUR EARLY for a stupid hockey match that only goes for 50 minutes!!!!! wtff.. and hes only a little KID and doesnt even treasure the attention he gets.. stays up late tonight reading story books and keeping mum up.. and wakes up early tomorrow.. and then mum gets bad tempered screams at everyone BUT him.. its always the case.. he puts her in a bad mood but never does anything to send her off the edge.. makes her yell at us for the slightest thing and then we ALL fight.. what a FRIKKING IDIOTIC UNREASONABLE SELFISH FCKING FAT ASS SHIT HEAD DICK FACE ASSHOLE! finally realised that.. after this thing has happened soo many times.. what a nice conclusion...

2008-07-26T15:03:00.000+10:00

MY MUM IS THE BIGGEST BITCH ALIVE!

GRRRRR i cant stand staying at home.. and shes always crying and sulking and thinking that my dad will side her.. well shes wrong! over such a tiny thing like me not eating so much for lunch wtf.. does that really deserve a CALL to my dad who is somewhere else in the world.. just tot justify her point of scolding me.. and CRYIng and SULKING and black facing me? what a little sulky bastard.. so now we all know where edmund got his genes from.. recently shes been crying a stack more.. like when my dad dragged her down the slope in the mountains she got scared and cried and she didnt even FALL.. and i didnt even cry when i had that massive bruise on my knee that left a HUGE scar and i had to walk about 2Kms home in the dark after i fell off my bike.. and shes crying cos she got dragged down a SNOW slope. that wasnt even steeep.. SNOW!!!!! jeez and now shes crying too because i didnt eat a lot for lunch.. cos i had a big breakfast.. and then i asked her why we had so much leftover and had to throw it out.. and she blamed it on ME for NOT eating so much for lunch.. and that amount i had to chuck out was at least 7 times what i ate for lunch.. no kidding.. and its frikking NOODLES! why would she cook so much.? oh i forgot it was all that came in one packet -.-" fine then if you wish to cook one pckcet the next time dont blame it on me cos its not worth it and you make yourself frikking angry while i sit in front of the sofa and enjoy my movie.. while you cry your ass off and complain to dad.. SPOILT ROTTEN KID!

2008-07-24T17:12:00.000+10:00

hehe today had badminton training.. was pretty fun though quite short.. only 40 minutes or so.. went a little late so i didnt have to set up the nets :P hehe didnt quite think of that then.. heh i was soo surprised how i managed to take quite a few smashes esp from jon -.-" he smashes frikking hard and i was right at the net then.. hah! then i was able to take a few smacks from bonnie too and she made me run all over the court only at last to beat her! hehehe... all thanks to the nunawading gym classes made me soo fit! and that im late for. have to go! yippee!

2008-07-21T21:18:00.000+10:00

if i didnt feel the need to rant today.. i would have totally not posted.. okay need somewhere to dump my brain things out.. havent been motivated lately.. been motivated to do other things but not the right things.. came home today immediately sat down to watch a movie, the recruit.. pretty alright but then after that i went to box hill with mum till it was 330 ish then came home.. did nothing slept, played with my ds, slept and then woke up and had dinner half asleep and then went for karate half asleep cbs doing the fast punches and cbs sparring.. and then came home ate fruits for 10 minutes.. wasting my time away.. and took a 20 mins shower :) not badd.. more like a 10 minute shower and a 10 minute dillydallying.. and then after played piano for 5 minutes.. and my fingers couldnt run and im sleeeping again.. and yeh.. cbs playing piano, cbs doing medentry umat papers.. cbs doing hwk, cbs going to school tomorrow, cbs studying and cbs going to sleep now that i have my butt rooted to the comp hmmmm cbs even living.. GRRRR stupid life.. yes and i totally CANT BE STUFFED giving a shit about edmund.. the idiot loser.. yeh whatever.. umat in 9 days, and i have 8 x 3 hour practise papers... and ballarat piano comp in 23 days, pieces not even up and running yet.. fingers are half dead, then gold coast for the next few days. wtf i dont wanna go! i want to stay home and do nothing.. just sleep.. i can sleep the whole sunday and still feel tired.. zzzzz yes.. time to sleep.. im dead..

2008-07-19T23:00:00.000+10:00

how CUTEEE is this little snail meringue? i wanna make it! but mine always looks like pooop thats what mum says.. all my meringues look brown.. :( i want WHITE meringues hmph!!! not fairrrrr... sigghhh todays mums birthday and laurens! had music in the morning as usual and KATE! got me CHOCOLATES :D wasnt expecting that! but its for my "hard" work for the last concert, which i kinda forgotten what i did.. anyway.. hehe must be good :P i guess. :) any one want the snickers? and possibly the bounty ones? hehehe.. not my fav.. and then i had lunch and decided to go shopping for laurens bday present.. got her sth then it was mums turn, and i couldnt find anything that mum didnt have.. cos she was lucky the 3 kids that she has pampered her with all the things already.. saved up using our lunch money! the miserable lunch money.. hehe.. :) and then in the afternoon we went to safeway.. grocery shopping.. and then dinner and movie! watched dont mess with the zohan and it was AWESOME! and even though the english is kinda bad.. mum was laughing the whole way.. :) glad that we made her happy on her 50th birthday! shes half a century old.. hehehe yippeee!

bedtime! good night!

2008-07-17T22:10:00.000+10:00

hehe yesterday night i took out the leftover truffle mixture (ganache) from the freezer after making my nice truffle cake, not so nice actually. hehe sooo happy! :):) first i got my nintendo ds flash card, well gettING it soon payment not made yet.. kinda hesitant cos its over the internet, but then again they have warranty so meh.. why not and its only 29 bucks! and im sooo happy! and for other MORE important reasons as well *wink* *wink* heheheh :)

2008-07-16T19:02:00.000+10:00

okay heres what im thinking: up in fuel prices --> up in food prices --> INFLATION and this is due to: the MASSIVE population growth in INDIA and CHINA! so if they dont stop reproducing like a batch of ants, the earth is basically gonna die because it cant support so many people, or if the earth doesnt die it will find ways to kills us.. or at least reduce our numbers, because we've become like pests, rapidly multiplying.. so then it becomes the survival of the fittest, less food supply, and only those who can afford it will survive. What does world vision do actually, it splits out our food, our money and yes they are sooo charitable *not sarcastic* but in the process they are actually encouraging the population growth and HELPING it grow.. because if they realised that they live in hardship, most adults wont want to have so many kids, so then decrease in population and everyone can be fed... hmm yes..
anyway im soo glad i found my nintendo ds chip online! and i cant believe that box hill is actually ripping people off for it.. selling it at 88 bucks when my chip online only costs about 29.. or 39 bucks from an aussie seller, which i think i may buy from them then again, same chip doesnt make a diff wherever its from, the aussie seller would have gotten it from china and so would the hongkong seller. so? big deal.. hmm i finally could work the router and the modem to connect the 3 comps i have at home AND my nintendo ds all together. because earlier on they were kicking each other out of the system due to conflicting IP addresses.. duhhh stupid me.. hahaha anyway now its all fixed and i can gladly do my hwk! eg start by scanning my pracs into the comp so that the LADDYYYY at monash doesnt LOSE them AGAIN! and i still cant believe i cant check my exam.. IM SURE theres something wrong there and i can at least.. make it to HD?? :P:P
yes and unichem yesterday was soo much fuN! me and brenda decided to get icecream, after postponing it for so long. well the shop was huge but there werent many selection of icecream, the icecream counter was small.. quite a disappointment.. but the freezer was suchh a delight! the big tubs only for 3.10!!! and its at dairy bell! and i cant believe a double scoop would cost so much actually, we should have stopped by at coles and get some cones, buy a scoop and share! cos i thought the spoons were a lil.. hmm too much saliva going round.. hehe but! still YUMMMMYYY icecream :):):)))) and then in the lecture, i was almost falling asleep until mr commons blew the lid off a coffee tin and made it hit the roof with this WHOLE CANNONBALL thing.. and its SOOO Cool.. and he said to gather close and watch.. and i got the biggest shock so yes that woke me up hehehe hmm HOMEWORK! arghhh and saturday, time for me to go pay for my chip :)

hmmm

2008-07-12T21:02:00.000+10:00

well monash prac day went okay.. cept that my brains are kinda dead.. so i shall stop my post short today and go have fun with my new ds! yipeee! pity it only has tony hawks game.. :( and i dont have a bank account to sell it on ebay! dammm i might buy some second hand games off my friends.. :) or a new ds chip!

2008-07-09T15:08:00.000+10:00

YIPPEEe!!! nintendo ds lite for me :):) for 80 bucks.. that guy better not back out of the deal cos im soo ripping him off.. and i feel guilty for it.. but who cares!!! :):) then when i get bored i ll probs sell it off on ebay and keep my profits :P what a great buy!! :P:P well not bought yet but still wheee!!!! hahahaha... i ve been sleeping a hell lot lately.. and im still soooo tired.. off to take a nap! yippee!

2008-07-06T18:25:00.000+10:00

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are unique, witty, and even a little snobby.

You're quite proud of who you are, and nothing is going to change that.

You've paved your own way in life, and you've ended up where you want to be.

Underneath it all, you feel very isolated from the rest of the world.

It's hard to find people to relate to you on every level.

The mundane interests of your friends and family often bore or depress you.

There's a 56% Chance You've Been Abducted By Aliens

Maybe you've really been abducted by aliens... but probably not.

Let's face it. You're just a little weirder than most people.

2008-07-06T15:38:00.001+10:00

noooo!!! pepper died.. :(:( NOOO!!!!!!! sobs..

2008-07-06T12:16:00.000+10:00

ski trip was okay.. hmm trying to remember what actually happened.. yeh decided to snowboard the first day, then fell on my knees so badly, and now theres the bruise thats totally black on my WHOLE knee.. yuck.. and edmund cant stop crying because he kept falling on his knee as well.. but hes a lil softy kept sitting down, so then he cried and he didnt want to snowboard or ski so in the end we had to ALL swap to skis cept for eugene.. -.-" super retarded and then edmund still sooooky.. so we had to ski the beginner run for the rest of the holiday, just to please the lil sooky who was still SOOKING!! at the end of the holiday, and refused to eat his dinner last night.. what a piece of crap! anyway mum was crying too! cos dad dragged her down this slope, too fast and she thought she was gonna fall and wet her ONLY pair of jeans so she cried wtf.. but the best thing of the holiday was the spa! totally relaxing :P other than that i had to wash dishes and pack and unpack EVERYONES stuff.. oh well lunch time :P byebye!
Ski trip pics:
share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0BauGLNm3YsnLg

2008-06-30T21:33:00.000+10:00

i hate the serps face
i hate physics
and
i hate rushing

you totally wrecked my day!

2008-06-28T22:22:00.000+10:00

girls day out today!! :P hehe went to the city today, and i was soo unlucky.. we caught the 1219 train into the city and caught the whole footy crowd too :( well i was okay.. but michelle had people squishing her in all directions and this guys armpit in her face :) haha!! funny.. and then we had lunch at ajisen ramen agaiN! and if i can find the photos.. they shall appear tonight :P and after lunch we bought a cat for munyee! a stuff toy cat.. super furry and super cute! :) and she was soo poofed up!! poor girl.. heheheh and we had icecream! at melbourne central.. yummy! yummmmmyy!!! sigghh mums chasing me off soon! siggh! yes pics are up! hehe woot! and i shall be nice not to post the pic of poor mun yee.. hehe :) off to sleep now! wheee

michelle and her icecream:

michelle hogging the cat :P

and the cat gets its moment of glory..

2008-06-25T21:54:00.000+10:00

hmm today, maths day at melbourne uni.. i know it sounds nerdy but it wasnt too bad actually.. morning we had a few talks and stuff one was on how maths is used in films to calculate fluid motion, other one was by this super magic guy! super awesomeee yeh.. :P then we had morning tea.. and michelle couldnt stop stuffing bread in her mouth :):) hehe and it was sooo delicious!! like super duper super duper super yummy! then we had the MIT challenge.. its about occupational health and safety thing where a company (Telstra) it says on the bottom of the sheet :) well the company wanted to improve the standards so they sent people to do audit.. one audit is 4000 bucks and over 5 years theyve spent 20 million on issueing people compensation.. so is it worth it? and they give you last 5 years data and you have to analyse it.. and its on EXCEL and none of us knows how to use EXCEL so duh if the audit score goes up incidence of injuries goes down. thats all we could say and other teams had to EXTRAPOLATE the graph and had graphs of 30 lines from 7500 pieces of DATA!! soo many numbers! and averages and calculation of ratings etcetc.. and we couldnt use excel.. :(:( hmmmphh! now i wished i learnt more about excel from masha jie jie!! cos i hate excel so much now :( hmpph!!! oh well its over.. and i cant believe it the year 11 team won! whoohoo! well they had nick the "computer genius" did the first qn in 5 minutes and we spent an hour and 10.. -.-" about there.. plus chris was busy checking afterwards and we were still out by heaps.. answer was 24 and we only found 17 cases :( sighhh bedtime!

2008-06-24T19:04:00.000+10:00

the robot guy along bourke street on saturday night..

flowers!! after the concert :P

my new bag!!

2008-06-24T18:22:00.000+10:00

hmm i feel that im slowly losing control of my life.. sure there are happy days but even so.. everyday slowly becomes a drag and gets soo repetitive that i just do the same thing every day without thinking. siggghhhh couldnt even open my eyes in school today :( thats how tired i am.. and so tonight! off to bed early.. i really cant wait for the holidays.. but yet i dont want the holidays to be here because i ll just have to spend more time at home with my MUM and nooo way im gonna tolerate it anymore.. its been kinda alright these 2 days shes stopped talking to me and i like it this way! no more nagging.. or CLaudia DRINK YOUR WATER! every frikking 5 minutes.. or CLAUDIA get off the comp!!! but i know shes gonna get it alll back at me when my dad comes on friday.. shes definitely gonna rant on me and get my dad to scold me well..BRING IT ON... its not like im scared of you anymore.. well i used to be terrified as a kid.. i wasnt the one getting the scolding it was eugene.. and he used to get beaten up soo badly with a belt to his butt and it left soo many marks and sometimes my mum beat him soo hard that even if he didnt do it.. he had to say yes or he ll die.. its just a matter of how tough he is.. and when my mum will stop.. but its been going on for ages and sometimes 2 hours in a row of whacking.. and eugene being a macho kid finally gave in after about 40 whips of the LEATHER belt.. and then i got paranoid that every little single tiny thing that i do will get me into trouble.. well NOT ANYMORE.. you can scold all you like and hit me all you like cos i dont want to live with you anymore.. and i ll rather just die with you killing me. and im turning 18 soon and theres no guarantee that i will still stay in MELBOURNE.. i wanna GO AWAY! somewhere else.. somewhere far far away.. far away from all of YOU PEOPLE.. and i dont want to see you guys again! i have to say i dont really think much of my family.. today for the whole of last week edmund was away.. and i didnt even have a SINGLE thought about him.. today eugenes home late for dinner.. and i was scooping out the rice and i had completely forgotten about him.. trying to scoop out 4 persons share into 3 and he eats the most.. so then the rest of the rice went on my mums plate.. then she yelled at me again.. for forgetting to keep enough rice for eugene.. cos i did leave some in the rice cooker but i thought it was for someone to eat tomorrow.. oh well pffft.. sigghh school was soo terribly boring today.. spesh 2 whole periods.. doing rates of change and chain rule.. what boredom.. then chem even MORE boredom.. stupid equillibrium.. how hard can it get.. one goes up one goes down other one goes up the the other other one goes up too.. and this doesnt affect that but then the other change will affect another thing... draw it all out and you see it sparkling clear.. super simple.. and then english.. transcription of spoken texts.. even MORE boring.. 45 minutes MORE of definitions (We already did another 45 minutes yesterday) and then some analysis of spoken texts.. right now im in a cbs mood just feel like everything will be taken away from me eventually not worth trying cos in the end its USELESS.. the only thing that matters to me now is that little bit of sunshine... but still.. its addicted to the XBOX!!! :(:( lonely.. and sad i think i ll go off now.. :( definitely not in a good mood these few days.. i really cant wait till im 18! few more months to total REBELLION! muahahahahahahh..

and lately ive been thinking about the strongest memory that i have as a kid.. and thats standing in the toilet as a punishment for not eating dinner.. for pushing my food around the plate.. some days i just have no appetite.. and i m sure i was about 8 then.. another older memory. was me locked in my parents room sitting on the bed crying the shits out because i just got scolded.. i cant remember for what.. but i cried for ages till i went to sleep and when i woke up i couldnt open my eyes at all.. even when my mum carried me to my own room.. i knew what was happening i just couldnt open my eyes cos they were soo sore.. and painful and stinging and tired.. wonder if these are all true when i was a kid.. or is my memory changing things..

Now its my little brother getting the shits.. shes stopped nagging at me and eugene well shes trying to.. but edmund still gets all the nagging.. he doenst move his arse quick to do things he ll get nagged yelled and screamed at.. whatever -.-" thank gosh im the oldest.. the first to escape all these annoying things.. sighh

MY ray of sunshinee!! where are you!!!

2008-06-22T20:33:00.000+10:00

yes the concert last night was fabbboulousss! awesome :P actually my last finale was awesome.. hehe but this morning was the absolute opposite. apparently the whole of yesterday eugene was demanding for too many things to go out and stuff and at 8pm he wanted to walk out to 7-11 and its like 10 minutes away and mum said no to him.. and then he got angry and mum got angry and then this morning she totally blew.. i woke up at 130pm and lunch was at 2.. she called lunch i sat down and got cutlery.. no ones eating so i just got up and lost my appetite.. then 2 minutes later she yelled that no one wanted to eat.. well i was there.. and after lunch she told us 3 to sit down around the table and started scolding eugene.. about this family being shared and him being too demanding -.-" and then i asked her whats that gotta do with me? and she said that she just wanted me to sit and listen -.-"""" super stupid.. and then i got up and went off to do my work and she YELLED at me to sit back down at the dining table and i yelled back a NO!! and i rarely yell.. but she made me.. i was totalllly pissed because i wont be allowed to go out when im in singapore.. AT ALL!!! that FAT BASTARD... and im not allowed to work for my uncle either.. so now whatever i want shes just gonna take it away.. and then she slammed down the computer and took it and slammed it on the floorr.. and now the speakers and fuzzy so im gonna slap her soon.. and then she flung my pencil case all over the floor... right into my piano.. and i sooo feel like just tipping my piano upside down and dont give a shit about anything anymore.. :( sigghhh everything good she just takes it away.. i dont even ask for ANYTHING at all!!! what a fat shit... and then she kept scolding eugene.. and punishing me for eugenes things.. because he said it was unfair that i got what i wanted and he didnt. well i got what i wanted cos half the time i dont even ask for anything cos i know i WONT GET IT! and he asks every 2 seconds for something new.. sigghhh then i cbf listening anymore and continued to sleep tiill 430.. which means that i slept for about 16 hours today already.. oh well dipshit... im never gonna talk to her again.. she totally blew it this time.. and there goes my respect for her.. out of the window..

2008-06-20T21:25:00.000+10:00

hah im sitting here listening to my recording this morning.. and i kinda think that its pretty damm good.. i have the professional recording and the clarity and all that sounds really goooood! omgomgomg.. cept for the few minor slips i m actually quite happy though!! hehehe :) finally happy after soo many recordings i did.. well technically only one stuffed up one for 2 songs so pretty good hah! but my internet is still soo crap! i cant believe it.. sigghhhh back to music i have to write 80-100 words why music matters to me, and research on my piece.. which i have to DESPERATELY go to the state library to find some books and information sigghhh which i dont have the time to :( oh welll looks like google will have to tell me some answers! hehehehe I STILL CANT BELIEVE THAT MY OPTUS INTERNET SUCKS SHIT! oh well... time to sleep concert tomorrow... :( i got a feeling that im gonna stuff up again sigghhh
OHOHOH!! i went shopping tonight with mum and bought a bag!! and its soo nice and a new black tee for the concert well actually it was a thermal.. but still counted hah! well goodnight!

hehehaha

2008-06-17T19:04:00.000+10:00

today was the funnest day ever.. excluding the formal night but yeh equally fun! aha spent nearly a whole hour DWADLING! yippeee! and its soo fun yeh.. depends who you dwadle with :P:P:P and school today was kinda okay.. cept for the usual boring classes and all.. i had 2 people say im soo unhealthy today.. just cos i was holding a BIG bag of chips.. foreman said jeez thats a healthy morning tea.. and then dwyer said oh what a healthy lunch.. i actually had noodles for lunch (instant noodles) but the queue at the hot water taps was too long for me to be boothered to get my lunch before going to lunchtime chem class.. YIPPEE! english excursion tomorrow.. and maybe movie on thursday! :D:D super happy.

formal night

2008-06-15T12:32:00.000+10:00

Well.. it was awesome... and yeh i ll post another day when i dont have my exams tomorrow.. :P seeya!
formal link: http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0BauGLNm3YsnHQ&emid=sharview&linkid=link4
have fun!

2008-06-13T21:32:00.000+10:00

despite the hectic week mum has finally allowed me to go for my school formal *with a smile* other days shes been like.. oh dont go its a waste of time.. etcetc.. and now she sees that im not studying anyway cos of my headache. speaking of which is a pain in my ass! its like i have a rock in my head and my head is soo heavy and i cant think about anything at all! well thats mainly an excuse not to study but yeh.. i should get going on my unichem :(:(:( still 2 little parts to do and many many worksheets to do which thankfully i l have sunday.. lets just hope the tv people dont change their minds anymore :( or i ll be sooooo pissed! sigghh and good thing too tomorrows rehearsal is at 9! no need to wake up THAT early like 6am :P oh well time to sleep! goooodnight!

2008-06-12T20:38:00.000+10:00

yay!! chem exam is over!!! and i only dropped a mark! but i came home today slightly worried and not so happy even though i knew i could do the qns.. sigh i guess i tortured myself too much and i ll be only SATISFIED with a 100% not elated.. well i made myself sit there for an hour, reading the qns over and over again and making sure that it was all correct, even though that only took another 20 minutes.. and i found nothing wrong.. and i was dead bored.. but i still couldnt leave.. i just didnt want to give up like that.. soo.. yeh i tortured myself for practically 1 hour! and i still dropped a mark -.-" oh well i guess thats good but not good enuff for a 50 :(:( oh welll im praying really hard now! i want my 50!!! :D sigghh unichem exam on monday. tomorrow i have the gat, and then study session in the afternoon for another 3 hours, and then saturday mym in the morning at 8am FRIKKING 8 am!!!! and i have to wake up at 6am!! omgomgomg.. and then i think it ends at 1pm.. :(:( then after that home for an afternoon nap and school formal!! yippee i cant wait.. and shcool formals gonna end late and sunday! another filming with mym at 10am-6pm there goes my study day :( sigghhh totally unprepared for my unichem exam.. and i havent done any of those revision questions either.. :(:(:( im gonna dieeee

2008-06-08T19:16:00.000+10:00

well... i havent blogged in ages.. cos i am sick! arghhh and then i went to this chinese doctor.. and he was soo accurate in describing the symptoms.. and all my conditions and lastly he said i have a flu.. after all the other non related symptoms.. i went to see him cos of the flu.. the godammm flu! grrrrr
and now its kinda got better a lil.. still coughing :( and running nose a little bit not as bad as yesterday when i hogged half of the tissue box :P

sigghhh oh a whole new topics.. why are little brothers so effing annoying.. its always the youngest of the family thats soo blooody irritating and idiotic.. and retarded of all the siblings.. youngest is the stupidest :P sorry to the young kids out there.. but i swear its so true in this family.. the youngest is the dumbest, most annoying, and idiotic out of the whole family! by MILES! hmph!!!!! fat piece of shit.

2008-06-05T14:49:00.000+10:00

sigghhh exams are coming.. and im studying really hard :) hope i get good results! im really pleeeased with my sac marks recently.. for english and spesh especially, chem not so good but still its acceptable.. oh well i shall work hard to top the class in unichem! wheeee :)

2008-06-01T22:02:00.000+10:00

hmmm today.. i woke up at 1030 thinking that it was only 8 cos it wasnt so bright yet... so then i went back till sleep till lunchtime.. -.-" and then i did 20qns of chkpoints from spesh, and some textbook qns, and then the practice sac that took an hour and a half.. then i moved on to unichem.. the mock exam.. which took about an hour when its meant to take 3hour.. i guessed i skipped loads of questions.. bout a third of them..not too bad as i thought i would have done.. but then again if i want a good score i have to buck up! esp for normal chem.. i still make soo many stupid errors.. grr how annoying.. it seems like i ll never finish typing this blog post, cos im only using one hand to type.. the other hand is freezing.. and holding ice to cure my pimple :( and my shitty lil brother just farted in my face again.. and it smells like diarrohea hes the grossssest person on earth.. anyway this weekend im quite satisfied.. its the weekend where i did the most work ever.. though it may not sound like a lot.. but it is indeed very mind cracking.. but i did not practise any piano :( which reminds me.. i still cant go for my music camp :(:( booooo.. cos bro wants a ski trip which is blooody expensive.. and worthless.. well i dont find it exactly thrilling its fun.. but not reallly fun..anyway... siggghhh there goes another wasted holiday.. i cant go to music camp, cant do work group in school and end up having to go skiing.. anyone wants to take my place shit! bro farted again.. zzzzzz soooo blooody annoying.. grrrrrr i cant wait for english tomorrow we ll be getting our sac mark back! i wonder how i went.. sigghhh im soo lack of fresh air now.. its all stupid methane gas.. crap crap crap hmph! bedtime!

2008-05-31T22:09:00.000+10:00

so yeh.. today.. hmm woke up really shocked.. cos my bro banged on my door and opened it like the roof just fell on me.. so i jumped out of bed and went back to sleep how weird.. yeh then i went for music and i was late... cos i caught the late train.. cos mum decided to have a shower in the morning.. which i really dont care cos edmund was later than me for his hockey game.. then after music had lunch which consisted of : Maccas LARGE fries, ice coffee from Starbucks and a sushi roll :) best lunch ever.. heh next week i ll have the hungry jacks stunner deal :P yummmmy! which reminds me.. i have to wake up early next sat toooo!!! oh nooooo... sigghhh today we did birdland at music.. and we upped the speed TERRIBLY.. it went sooo fast and i could barely keep up myself.. and i was stuffing up soooo badly.. yeh.. and its just the lil kids and another group next week no top vox.. and then after music, i went walking in the city.. saw a pair of 19 bucks sketchers shoes.. and i didnt have money!! *slap* sigghh what an unlucky day.. and when i went home, mum bought me a pair of nike shoes.. "soil" colour.. reddish brown not maroon,,, but weird yeh but when i wear it it looks surprisingly nice.. cept for one tiny lil problem.. the leather is sooo stiff that when i slide my feet i immediately feel my bones being crushed on the side of my feet... "goodnight" says mum.. grrrrr its too early like 10 30 and she just turned off the lights soo i cant see anything -.-" and she keeps saying go to bed -.-" like 3 times in 5 seconds.. gosh! yeh.. then after the walk i went home.. slacked did absolutely no work.. stuffing up spesh sooo badly.. well mum thinks i should fail once in a while to teach me a lesson.. well i dont mind failing.. cos i really cant be bothered doing any work at all.. i ve gotten sooo lazy! and then at night i watched a movie!! 27 dresses actually i watched it before but its soo nice that i dont mind watching it a gain! and shit my comp just hanged.. so i guess i ll be sleeping now.. anyway here are some random pics of chem lab experiment on monday :P

azo dye! mised with something else.. i cant remember

azo dye again..

okay.. this one is the azo dye but i put the wrong stuff in.. so damm! its soo cool!

this one.. look how cute i am!!! :)

2008-05-30T16:59:00.000+10:00

Why is everyone so frikking annoying and soooo un-understanding... first it was dwyer who said music is boring and piano is boring all you do is practise the same thing.. then its mrs trigg who refused to let me learn viola PROPERLY and she would teach me the same stuff week after week.. then its MY MUM!!! fat shit.. doesnt let me learn viola now.. when i finally get a PROPER teacher in school and i dont have to pay anything... GR!!!!!!!!! why is it soo hard to just play a frikking instrument!!! and i still cant go for the camp :( even if i suggest that i pay all of it.. well i have two ways atm:
1) to get my dad to talk to mum
2) to get mr wise to psycho mum..
note the word psycho.. mr wise is soo good at that.. :)

2008-05-29T21:54:00.000+10:00

Why cant i go to state music camp!! i WANT to go.. cos the conductor is AWESOME and its gonna be really great! but i cant.. cos i dont vacuum my room enough -.-" like what a waste of electricity... stupid mums theory.. OMG you cant even handle the vacuuming your room once a week how to go to state music camp! what a shitload of SHIT! well let me tell you.. i can handle anything its just that i DONT want to handle the damm vacuuming cos theres nothing to suck up in my room.. and one more thing you should also vacuum your room YOURSELF and not get US to do it.. and while youre vacuuming please suck up that HUGE piece of shit, YOU! GRRRRR stupid senseless reasons.. and when i make my point you say oh i dont want to talk to you go away before you make me angry i SCREEAAAMMM at you!!! and then i said.. well thats cos you ran out of arguments eh.. and then you crack it :) i must say that was fun heh..

anyway, today was okay.. quite sleepy and lethargic cos of the physio.. i swear he touched 6 spots on my back and they all ache like shit! and the worst thing was he pressed and pressed at those spots for AGES until i couldnt feel the pain anymore.. so i guess tis good then? and after physio went to school for science comp and i SWEAR i made soo many mistakes.. i could just sniff it when i came out. Then michelle and i compared answers and im sure i got around 7 mistakes out of 45... quite bad for an easy paper,, especially the start.. last year i got back my results and looked at the percentages... 99% of the people got that easy qn right, then i think of the stupid 1% of them.. yeh this year im that one percent.. stupidly made that mistake hah! how easy it is to fall for their dirty tricks :P

Yippee tomorrows a friday and im getting accompanied to school! :D:D:D:D:D hehe!! viola lessons! bahh im gonna psycho mr wise to ring mum and tell her off.. for making me miss this "golden" opportunity.. hah!

yesyes no more tuition for 3 weeks yippee! i m getting sooo sick of doing the same stuff in chem.. cant someone set me a HARD exam.. that i have to crack my head cos thats interesting and fun to do! not those stupid boring neap ones.. where my tutor goes: take your time its an EASY paper. and i shake my head and know that im gonna make HEAPS of careless mistakes.. so i HOPE that this years June exam for Chemistry is DIFFICULT as SHIT! :) and i ll wing it!

sigghh spesh sac on tuesday, chem sac on friday to tuesday, SHIT thats tomorrow!! arghhh okay.. well crap i havent studied anyway :) im okay with chem i guess and english sac TOMORROW!! CRAPP SUPER CRAPPP!!!!! hah im too lazy to even do my spesh hwk.. im still stuck on antidifferentiation theres just too many ways to do one problem and I DONT LIKE IT! well i ll still have to live with it i guess.. damm spesh..
anyway.. goodnight!

Congrats to doggy who topped the class for physics!! :D

2008-05-28T18:16:00.000+10:00

OMG its dinner time and im still sooo fulL! i swear my tummy is exploding.. i had yummy fish and chips for lunch today with nice nice ice cream at cold rock!! :U:U:U that was the best.. but then i came home and mum gave me a plate of rice and curry to eat.. and now i feel tooo full and she yelled at me for not finishing food and said she wont cook me dinner so i happily went to do my work and watched a movie.. who knows.. its dinner time now and i have a massive plate of food to eat up :(:(:( what happen to poor starving children in Africa? CAN I NOT EAT SOOO MUCH!!!!! omgomgomg *hangs*

2008-05-26T21:29:00.000+10:00

Somewhere
There's a place for us,
Somewhere a place for us.
Peace and quiet and open air
Wait for us
Somewhere.

There's a time for us,
Some day a time for us,
Time together with time spare,
Time to learn, time to care,
Some day!

Somewhere.
We'll find a new way of living,
We'll find a way of forgiving
Somewhere . . .

There's a place for us,
A time and place for us.
Hold my hand and we're halfway there.
Hold my hand and I'll take you there
Somehow,
Some day,
Somewhere!

2008-05-26T21:06:00.000+10:00

Dont read it

theres the stupid english test tomorrow.. and frikking music in the morning have to wake up early.. today had good 7 hours of chemistry.. GRRRRRRRRRRR im going insane!!!!!! and eugenes being a fucking pain in the arse keeps demanding his way at MY expense.. and sooo fucking demanding.. what a piece of shithead.. and then my mum keeps giving in o him.. and my frikking karate class was 615 to 715!!! not 630 till 750 today!!! and i got home at 8pm and i have t done anything.. well i dont feel like studying now.. feel like killing someone.. and mum keeps bugging me about her latest shopping and please find this holiday house for her friend.. OMG how hard is it to just google the NAME!!!! why are people so bloooody dumb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! freaking pissing me offff!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
feels sooo good to type out everything!

2008-05-24T22:49:00.000+10:00

omg today was soooo tiring.. i woke up at 650 to please the lil brother who had hockey at MHS at 800 and i reached the city sooo early there was only 2 pple there then.. and that was after i decided to take the city loop train and walk down st kilda road.. well the trams were out of service AGAIN cos they were doing some work on it -.-" stupid really i dont see a difference... anyway MYM was fun, i played the majors today.. which was quite a change from the little kids.. :) more entertaining.. and my mum rang me TWICE in rehearsal and it was really short so i thought it was a text.. and it kept ringing really short and b4 i had a chance to react it was cut off.. so then i got reallly annoyed.. and then my mum and dad went over to dads friends new office in melbourne.. sydney friend just flew in in the morning.. and then we decided to go for lunch at lygon street... and he kept saying that i looked like mum.. and i was sooooo ANGRY! its soo yuck to look like mum.. i just dont wanna look ANYTHING like mum.. so friiggging annoying.. but then hes saying.. ahhh she looks soo goodd! so i was really happy.. leave out the mum bit :P and lunch was awesome.. at the italian restaurant.. even though it was LATE and LONGGGG!!! but it was bloating and filling.. and yummy :) tried some authentic Italian food, like the antipasto.. which was yummy and weird.. haha and then i had lamb shanks.. well the adults ate the meat and i had the bone :) my favouriteee!! but it was soo oily! omg that italian food.. all the pasta left behind soo much oil and stuff.. i felt like puking it allll out.. and before lunch we went to koko black and i had ice chocolate cos i was hungry.. and then i felt bloated and then went in the italian food.. and now i feel sick :( soo.. after lunch we went down to smith street boring as usual nothing nice there.. people are out to make money of you so dont bother shopping.. grrr wasnt worth my time there.. and by then it was 4pm and i still have spesh hwk, chem hwk, unichem prelab qns about a few more, and english sac on tues AND friday.. and i have to practise my viola and piano!!! and midyears coming up.. my parents seriously dont understand.. and tonight i had to go out for dinner again.. since 7 till 1030.. OMG at a chinese restaurant.. sooo frikking boring.. well there were some funny times.. but i mean 3 and a half hours of food.. with me having a sick stomach.. -.-" ahh well looks like no work done today.. and my eyes are closing.. goodnight!

2008-05-21T21:09:00.000+10:00

hmmm! i have to admit ive been really lazy to blog these few days... well today i had to wake up at 615 am.. AND YES!!! 615 AM!!!! to make sushi for my brothers for school.. then i took a nice stroll to school and it was the best morning ever.. except for the Chem SAC.. which was soo annoying! and i had to scribble all my evaluation of procedure out in the LAST minute.. which i did not complete needless to say, i didnt do it very well.. hmmmm and then we had english class in the computer room.. boring as usual.. oh and "us" won yesterday in the trivia quiz.. i called our team US... and Ms Mills haven't given us our prize yet... then recess and i tried to change my careers counseling appointment earlier cos i cbs staying on Wednesday.. and then ms carter was soo happy! that i actually bothered to change it and she happily gave me an earlier spot.. and then Teresa came up to me and told me that nick was sick so no piano rehearsal so i still have to stay past period 4 when i CAN go home!!! so then i was such a good girl... practiced my piano in school and then went off to see carter... and she was about 15 minutes late.. cos keira was taking up ALL her time.. so yeh. and i had to wait out side with some bunch of rowdy year 10 kids and the yugioh group.. and and when i asked what they were playing this lil kid said: you gay whore.. -,-"" felt like slapping him across the face anyway.. carter did help a little bit.. well her book helped actually and she told me of ANU which i might consider going there :) anyway i don't mind doing pharmaceutical science.. kinda like chemistry more than other sciences.. so why not! and if i cant get into med i can always transfer in or sit the post grad exam into ANU and eventually become a doctor... oh well.. and carter went overtime with me too! and lisa had to wait for ages.. but im sure she didn't mind.. ESL time for her was just cut short ehh? :) so i slowly walked back home after.. and decided to slack on the couch and finish the movie bros started the other day... and it was quite touching actually but the storyline sucks quite a long The First Sunday. and i had a nice cup a soup! chicken and mushroom with croûtons yummm! and later parents came home.. and i was restricted of my freedom had to do some work so i got my spesh homework done! yippee.e... until now i still haven't bothered doing any chemistry homework i think i shall sleep right about now! goodnight!

2008-05-20T20:42:00.000+10:00

dwyer was really angry with us today.. even scolded lauren... thankfully not much of his comments were aimed at me.. even though he knew i wasnt paying attention haha!!! unichem today was alright.. easy peasy stuff.. yippeee! im soo slack now.. cbs blogging.. haha! i shall take some nice random pics and upload soon! yay! and its 845.. i need to shower and sleeep zzzz my eyes are closssinnng!!!! snore snore snore.. :)

2008-05-18T21:13:00.000+10:00

hmm havent blogged ages.. and i cant really think of what ive been doing..
friday:
started learning viola again! had my lessons at recess and viola is soooo fun! and dwyer said something really mean.. he said that to get good results I have to do the "hack work" like doing lots and lots of questions etc.. and then he said.. like piano players they dont like to practise.. and only like to perform thats the reason why they work so hard anyway.. and its boring to practise for hours and hours.. and i felt like SLAPPPPING him across the face.. its like me telling him.. so you dont like to teach and its boring cos you do the same thing every year.. and you only get your fame when the students do the work for you and thats worst!!!! grrrr *slap* apart from that.. friday went okay..
Saturday:
went down to the city for music. bros had hockey game at hawthorn hockey ground and dad wanted to send me to the city.. instead of the nearest train station which was kooyong.. and when we were approaching st kilda road there was this sign that said.. st kilda road CLOSED!! due to tram repair works.. -.-"" so i had to get dad to turn around and drop me off at south yarra and eventually took the same time.. oh well.. but when i got to the city.. i had to walk around the tram works to get to VCA cos the closed up the junction of st kilda and the road outside VCA!! so i was drenched and freezing in the morning rain.. and i had to walk far.. :( so then after vca.. it was still freezing and cold decided to go to prahran market to walk about.. and it was kinda interesting and all.. but then i gave up and decided to go back home cos it was tooo cold X) then practised piano and viola! and at night i watched 27 dresses! and it was around 1100 and the movie was ending.. and mum came out! outta nowhere.. and i thought she was gonna scold me.. for sneaking around watching a movie.. she walked out into the living room.. and totally didnt see me!!!!!!! :D:D:D i escaped... yippee!
Sunday:
hmm today woke up at 10am and bummed around played piano for 2 hours this morning then went for lunch at Box Hill and bro bought a PSP game for 30 bucks.. -.-" and in the box there was this tiny cd thats it.. and its hard to believe that its 30 bucks seeing that the game is old as hell... then we did some grocery shopping and went back home.. i watched P.S i love you. and it was soo touching.. siggghhhh and then ate dinner.. showered and watched part of another movie first sunday or sth.. and mum said shut down.. so now im stuck on the comp. and my school website is down and the stupid chem sac on monday and i m totalllly not prepared! first i dont have the instructions, second i dont have my book! grrrr....... time to sleep! gdnight!

2008-05-15T21:21:00.000+10:00

OMG today was such an annnoying day.. well for now.. in the morning it went really well.. had to go to school to get the recorder from mr wise to do my technical work test.. then had tuition.. and i did well on the chem practise exam!s!!! and then i had my piano lesson.. and i didnt stuff up my scales.. PHEWW!!! and my teacher gave me quite high marks actually :) then went to lunch with mum.. and shes sooo annoying.. and kept hinting to me that she wanted me to go away.. cos she was eating with her friend.. and shes like.. faster eat and go! youre late for your bus -.-" so i stuffed the food down and ran off.. and i was 20 mins earlier than my bus to monash.. had a nice time at monash.. the UMAT stuff is frigging hard.. but then again theres distraction :P grr.. and the books at monash are sooo hard to understand! i sat there for ages trying to decipher what they were trying to say... zzzzzzz then later bussed back home.. and i seriously dozed off in the bus nearly missed my stop... and walked all the way home :) then it was dinner... and mum bought a chicken from the brentford square charcoal chicken shop.. and it turned out a little brownish at the chicken drumstick.. so she called up to complain that it wasnt cooked! and me and eugene looked.. and thought it was just the chicken colour.. -.-" so then she drove off to get a new chicken.. what a waste of food... >.< hMPH! and after dinner.. packed my room.. toooook me ages.. and it was duper boring.. my cuties!!! i loveee the duck :P and the white dog.. and the other dog too! hahaha! i shall pick with one i wanna cudddle and sleep tonight :P gdnight!

2008-05-14T22:13:00.001+10:00

and i would just like to add.. that thanks to the lil doggy i have to walk to school ALONE tomorrow :(:(:(:(:( snifff..... hmpH!!!!!!!

2008-05-14T22:02:00.000+10:00

RECITAL NIGHT:

tonight went okay. i went to school from 630 till 10pm and it was really interesting.. i didnt even feel bored or anything the performances were quite nice actually :) surprising for a government school music program.. its excellent! so practised with claire for about 45minutes before people started strolling in.. and we managed to play quite reasonable well! haha! and it didnt drag or anything.. then had to play a duet with Nick.. and he kept rushing.. cos it was nerves eh.. haha! and he just wont coooool downnnN!!! hahaha... funny little kid but we played pretttty good too! thats what practises are for.. :) and then there were a few guitar solos and 2 drum solos well done to everyone! and then came my solo.. and i stuffed up the first bit soooo BADLY! and i NEVER do that!!! omgomgomg *stab* but people didnt realise though.. i guessed i must have covered it up pretty well :) but still unacceptable for me. and im gonna work harder next time.. and PERFECT it! i was actually really shocked the schubert came out soooo magically wonderful! i guess its the spirits of music bringing out the songs eh... :D:D:D:D and then there was martins mum i think that came up to me and told me i played well and so did claires mum! yippeee! Fingers crossed i passed WELL.. seeing that theres only pass or fail... eeeeks! must must remember to pick up the recorder tomorrow technical work test!! and unprepared performance EEEEEEK! and tuition tooooo... noooooooooooo

TODAY:
hmmm i woke up at 8 actually and i dont know why.. its probably cos of my body clock already doing its adjusting to my normal 10 to 8 sleeping times.. hehehee so i decided to sneak out and watch phantom of the opera! and it was AWESOME!! now i know why people want to watch it soo badly.. it was freeeaaakkinggg awesome! the play is soo well designed and the story and the music.. all sooo goood! then later i had breakfast.. and practised like crazy for the recital.. and it paid off... :) but then i had a physio appointment and the physio did my hands and elbow and neck and shoulders and now its all stiff and sore.. but thankfully didnt affect me.. or the next time i ll complain badly when i see him hah! then later came back home did some UMAT practises watched the depressing news.. the bad things happening around the world.. all UNBELIEVABLE... thanks to whoever who let me stay in australia :P then had a little short nap and headed off to school! yes.. so thats my day... and a wonderful day indeed :) gdnight!

2008-05-13T21:30:00.000+10:00

OMG my comp keeps hanging! and the printer keeps spoiling and im sooo tired and angry.. so i shall not blog today :( and i wanna sleeeep! unichem was fun i actually learnt something :P and i found my sec 1 photos! ahahaha... :) byebye

2008-05-12T21:25:00.000+10:00

okay.. i promised to blog about grading.. here goes all my rant: hmm warm ups.. yes! we had to do soo much jumping for at least 5 minutes of JUMPING! and i could feel my lunch coming up my throat again.. and its grading so i cant stop to take a break.. and then we had to go through the basics., after 2 punches, this meanie lady made us go into sumo stance which hurtttss badly.. for not responding loud enuff -.-" annoying.. then after another 2 rounds of punches, sumo stance AGAIN! super idiotic.. so yeh basics was boring as usual and stupid senseis were trying to make us go faster but i was way too lazy hahah! saving my energy for sparring.. then we had stretches by this black belt.. and this guy could do a box split! omgomgomg.. his butt was nearly touching the flooor! sooo flexible! hahaha..well i had a problem stretching hehe:P then we had to go through kicks and combinations the combinations sensei was pretty lenient and nice on us :D so then it was kata.. and there was only 4 yellow belts and it was SOOOO nerve wrecking.. and i swear i was gonna forget my second kata :P oops but i did it well anyway but sensei brett wasnt happy at allL! well hes never happy apparently we re all tooooo slack.. :P lazy in other words to put in any effort at all hahah! then we had to spar.. and i was paired up with this blue belt.. zzzzz hes sooo frigggin talll! and then next i had a red belt OLD guy.. and he was mean.. he kept slapping my hand even if im only blocking.. so he ll slap my hand away and punch me in the face.. and its NO CONTACT.. and i was soo tempted to kick him in there.. but haha.. :) i was nice.. but i did bash him up.. well tried to.. but i succeeded in making him use up ALL his energy.. for sensei brett to give him a good bashing! hahahah! it was soo funny when he got bashed up.. he looked sooo shit tired.. and sensei brett was kicking the crap outta him and once he collapsed on the floor after sensei tripped him.. hahahaha! and there was this lil brown belt kid and he was GOOD as.. but he still got bashed up not as badly as the guy though cos he could at least fight back and punch the sensei back.. but he got tripped on the floor (as usual) and punched in the tummy.. owwww i think i might just stop at green belt or better still orange :D and today our senseis were really angry cos grading was really bad last night :( and we had a torturing class today.. not hard torture but BORING torture.. and i could just fall asleep but at least there was sparring today.. and PHEWW i did not spar the big guy.. hahaha! today in class was really slack i wagged my music class aural one with graham.. zzzz and so i had a couple of frees today.. was working on my unichem stuff! omg once in a lifetime :P and then i had my yummy soupy recess.. and then free again.. and then spesh. and lauren was packing up a good 5 minutes before the bell.. and ms foreman came by.. and said.. why are you packing up? dont you feel like working anymore? at least pretend that youre working.. like eddie he puts his pen in his mouth and pretends that hes thinking really hard whenever i walk past when hes still stuck on the same qn the whole class :):):) OMGOSH that was HILARIOUS!! hahahaha! and then i had a nice sushi lunch and piano rehearsal with nick.. and then yummy sushi lunch.. and then CHEM zzz dwyer was way too random today.. chris was asking about the jurassic park situation, whats stopping the scientists from taking the blood of mozzies that sucked the dinosaurs blood.. and DNA testing that and replicating another dinosaur.. and after some mumbles dwyer said "maybe the dinosaurs did it" WTH??? super random.. anyway its time to sleep gotta go to school early tomorrrow!!! cant wait ;)

2008-05-11T21:31:00.000+10:00

i promise i shall post tomorrow about my grading this aft.. have to finish my spesh hwk for now! byebye!

Ode to pluto

2008-05-11T11:38:00.001+10:00

Ode to Pluto:
I heard it on the news this morning,
Pluto's not a planet anymore.
And when it all sank in i felt confused
Things would not be as they were before.

You first emerged in Nineteen thirty;
When clyde tombaugh spotted you in space
And you were named by a young British girl
What big rock could ever take your place?

You'll always be a planet to me, Pluto
You're the coolest icy mass in the galaxy
Your orbit is eccentric and Neptune's path may intersect it.
But you'll always be a planet to me.

Now you ve been labeled a dwarf planet.
Scientists have said youre just too small
You're even smaller than the earth's own moon.
But that's never bothered me at all.

Some people say that you seem distant
Three point six billion miles from the sun
I like to think of you as just far out.
In my heart youre always number one

You'll always be a planet to me, Pluto.
You hole such a special place in astronomy.
You may have been demoted but I will always be devoted.
Oh you'll always be a planet to me.

Mercury and Venus are two amazing planets.
Earth and Mars and Jupiter are fine.
Saturn and Uranus and Neptune are great,
but why do we have to stop at eight?

You'll always be a planet to me, Pluto.
From your orbit to your mass, you;re every quality.
Theres no way to resist them, cause you still rock my solar system.
And you'll always be a planet to me.

2008-05-11T10:58:00.000+10:00

yay! its mother's day today! gave mum a white scarf i bought from valleygirl and she likes it!!! omg NO complains.. oh wait.. one teeny one.. whites not her colour -.-" anyway it s something that stands out in her cupboard so farr :P hehe and then i have grading today.. hope shes not late.. or i ll get kicked out :( and i hope i dont fail either :( sigghh finally finished chem! omgomg last night we had a mothers day dinner with aunty gn and kids and they were sooo cute as usual :P and jin was sooo playful.. and dinner was at sofias! omg i feel fat now.. ate tooo much cheese and icecream.. and theres somemore in my freezer mint cornetto or rocky road cornetto. YUM! and we were late for dinner all cos of eugenes chem tuition.. but it was HILARIOUS.. the tutors house was on this no through road and pple were celebrating mothers day yeh. so there were two cars that parked on both sides of the road.. and it was impossible to squeeeze through.. so mum parked behind those cars and i happily watched other pple squeezed through to pick up their kids from tuition.. the funniest bit was.. after tuition there was about 4 cars leaving at once all trying to squeeze through the gap.. and someone got stuck half way.. LOL i dont see why they couldnt wait 20 ms down the road...big deal.. in the morning went to the city for music and the kids had a new song.. its called ode to pluto and it is very very cute! then after MYM headed off to MC to meet up with xi! :P had a yummy lunch and at little bourke street there was this strange thing of pple saying dont kill chinese pple in china? i think that was it... haha random picutres-- later. :P and then we walked around looking for a mothers day pressie for my mum and my bro actually liked the scarf i bought too.. well he was more on the cbf side.. :) friday.. hm i cant exactly rmbr much except for a normal day in school and me sleeeping early after that.. and a terrible neck ache yesterday too..

random:

2008-05-08T19:49:00.000+10:00

haha another nice slow day.. well not exactly nice.. i was in a great deal of pain today.. woke up early.. and had chem tuition as usual and the test i did last week in a rush i got 94% wooohoo! and i beat the rest of his students :D and todays test was harder and more poorly done so i got 85% oh well.. not too bad but still theres room for improvement.. then i had piano lesson and i was telling myself.. i ll die i ll definitely get killed.. cos i didnt touch the piano AT ALL this week.. and im soo dead.. so i went into class manage to fake my nice playing.. and PHEWW i didnt get killed.. haha! yippee! but then the real pain.. physio in the afternoon.. zzz he poked me badly around the shoulder area and i knw it ll get better but then it was sooo painful and for the rest of the afternoon till NOW it still frigging hurts! sob sob.. nah i wont cry :P its not that unbearable it just makes me feel painful esp my elbow.. owwww.. oh yeh b4 the physio we saw jeanettes mum.. and she was soo excited to talk to my mum heh.. :) so she tagged along with me to go to breadtop to look for mum and they happily talked away about jeanette.. who was soo poor thing.. year 11.. she gave up percussion :@:@ now we dont have a decent group cept for claire THANKS! and then she has chem tuition, maths tuition, english tuition, flute lessons piano lessons etcetc.. and no sport.. -.-" poor gal.. and shes only in yr 11.. reminds me of all the parents in singapore.. as long as the kids arent doing well tuition is the solution to all academic problems.. thats not true! they dont even know if tuition will work.. and after sending their kids to tuition and parents happily pay up for it, the kids dont do well.. that drives the parents crazy.. GRR and then they blame it on stupid kids -.-" what a lousy excuse.. sigghh then i told jeanettes mum i had a good tutor and she immediately asked for his number -.-" how kiasuu... heheee then after that physio.. then home.. and i fell asleep again! and aunty GN left duck outside our house and i didnt even notice it till mum got home.. it was yummy! woohoo! and then had a nice dinner, nice shower and now i think i might just go to sleep.. tireddd..

2008-05-07T20:02:00.000+10:00

Your EQ is 153

Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

Seriously though, your whole "Don't Worry, Be Happy" philosophy is really what defines emotional intelligence.

You're warm, open, and very optimistic. You know how to act appropriately, even if you don't feel like it.

You are a good communicator, and you have little difficulty with personal relationships - even when you're dealing with difficult people.

In general, you are successful, capable, together person. You get what you want out of life.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

here i am feeling bored again.. i typed this post before.. then accidentally deleted it.. so i vaguely rmbr.. cos im getting old :( anyway here goes.. woke up this morning had over 8 hours of sleep but i was still SOOO lethargic! omgosh i couldnt even function properly.. without my eyes flashing in my face.. good thing school ended at 1230 and i went home and had a HUGE lunch haha and then fell asleep for 2 hours.. straight! until nadoon came over and woke me up GRRR oh well by then i had a serious cramp in my foot.. ow ow ow.. then i quickly took a shower.. day dreamed a little and soon it was dinner time.. then now im stuck with chem hwk.. i have to do it! have to do it... cos i keep telling myself its too easy so i cbs doing any.. but then i always end up making stupid mistakes.. and end up losing soo many marks.. and i keep practising but they keep coming its like im some stupid magnet for stupid mistakes dammit! and now im starting to think if it was worth it doing all those extra chem things.. spending so much time on chem when im gonna lose if all on stupid mistakes.. anyway im soo glad the formal tables worked out! and yippee we have 12 on our table! :U well now im off to watch resident evil extinction 3 and i know it came out a long time ago.. but now someone finally has it on limewire! yippeee! must download more.. anyone want anything in particular off limewire? im nearing my download day.. and still about 5GB away.. have to use it up in 2 days.. anyone i can please? :U byebye!

2008-05-06T21:32:00.000+10:00

OMG so many things happen today.. and i cbs typing it all out.. currently thinking of my nice hot shower.. when there isnt any hot water.. EFFING pissed.. stupid eugene used up ALL the hot water for his little miss princess shower.. that took an hour!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR bish bish bish... and then i had to run out of the shower in the middle cos it was too cold.. but then i had to shiver for agess before the heater heated up.. GRRRR again.. and then came out and gave him a good yelling.. and all he said was ease up cool it.. OMG! slap! didnt even apologise! FAT SHIT!!!! okay.. before that.. in the car.. when mum picked me up from glenny she was like.. claudia i have something important to tell you..... (pause) (long pause) edmund broke your goggles.. and i said he will die when you come home.. then eugene came home this afternoon and said he will die also! and i burst out laughing!! lol it wasnt anything big. he broke it at the adjustment thingy.. when the rubber was getting really thin it snapped.. so i made it tighter and he still could wear it.. so meh.. and then before that was unichem we had chocolate biscuits and lemon cordial! i want moreee! more more more!! and we rushed soo many things in unichem.. and we were getting so bored in class so i started the cup writing.. hah! gotta find the pic.. somewhere in my phone.. haha.. i had district badminton today! it was sooo fun! just realised that im going backwards in my post but anyway.. yeh badminton! fun as!!! and we won!! and we werent allowed to eat in the hall so tam was hiding her apple in her shirt! hahahahahaaaaaa... and there was this really anoooying guy.. hit the thing soo damm hard.. and he said thats how he played.. -.-" so then i got angry and smacked him right above his head.. and think it hit him :) yippee! so glad that we won WITHOUT amy and janice!! and we took reallly funny pics with the flag.. got it hanging outta my shorts.. its soo funny! i ll find the pic sometime.. haha! okay time for my hot shower.. seeeyaaa!!

The girls badminton district flag!

cup writing:

It was a conversation between me and brenda!
and it says:
C:Hi!
B:Bye!
C:meanie
B:immature
C:asshole
B:grow up
C:like you?
NO WAY

haha! that was the funnnnnniest thing in chem class ever! ahahaha! <3

my boring weekend

2008-05-04T20:51:00.001+10:00

started on friday night.. when mum gave us heaps of veges for dinner... thats edmund eating ALL the veges -.-" look at the heap.. i had twice the amount.. mum made beef steak! yumm *poor michelle* on sat morning she ordered a beef brekkie roll from hungry jacks.. and pity it was BEEF! HAHAHAH then we had UMAT course till 1pm and then we had lunch.. in between we had a break and i was SOOO hungry!!!! omgosh.. yeh then later i had a twister roll from KFC for lunch.. and rushed back for the second bit.. and during the second break.. i ran outta foood!!! nooooo.. but after class we all had yummmy gelato at melb central so it was worth it after all.. the lecture was sorta useful.. sorta common sense.. and sorta boring.. :P Second day.. had to wake up EARLIER.. just to get there to do a 3 hour mock exam paper.. at the end.. it was like.. take back you paper and compare answers.. and discuss why you chose that option =.=" after 3 hours of hard work the least they could do was mark it for us.. and we ended up marking it ourselves! and i counted my score wrongly.. should have gotten more for the first section OH WELL! yeh and the stupid exam was soo long all i could concentrate on was my neck ache that was sooo bugging me.. after that.. we had yummy lunch at ajisen ramen! and we were practically running to ajisen cos we only had a pathetic one houjr for lunch better than yesterdays that was 45 minutes :( then after lunch we had some interview prep.. and my cookies turned soft! cos of the kueh i left in there.. though the kueh was realllly yummy! but it wrecked my cookies :( and michelle was busy stuffing taro bun in her mouth and eddie stuffed the WHOLE thing in hahaha! that was the funnnnies thing i ever saw! heh :P then we headed home after the UMAT and im dead tired.. well heres some pictures! yippeee!

this was on saturday.. we finished at 5pm

and this was on sunday we finished at 4!

The beautiful scenery of RMIT

my messy room on friday -.-

Michelle LOVVVINNGG her lunch today!

Eddie running to Maccas

Our yummy lunch at Ajisen

2008-05-02T18:08:00.000+10:00

haha! today school was cool.. lunchtime was the best! it was raining though.. but i got my sausages! from the sausage sizzzle and they were yummmmy! then we were sitting around in the vce hall and i decided to get up for a walk.. walking round the tables.. and nearing the yellow bin.. and all of a sudden these boys chucked a ball and hit the bin and this guy jumped out of the bin.. and scared the shits outta me!!! *ahhh!* that was sooo funny though.. hehe :P and i had a yummy lunch! yes... and i ve finally paid for my school formal! suchhh a last minute thing.. remembered last night.. PHEWWWW.. then.. Lauren decided to go tooo!! so we went to pay up! yippee! now ill have a friend who will take dozens of pics with me! sigghhh now im bored again... havent been doing much these few days.. lost all my motivation my strength.. speaking of strength.. my arms and my back and my butt are about to give way... and i can just feel myself collapsing anytime soon.. and i dno why.. maybe its the lack of sleep i feel tired in the day but i just cant sleep at night! WHAT IS GOING ON!!! grrr... i think that i m definitely declining till today.. CHEM SAC!! 47.5/50! woooot! and the best bit was the "great conclusion" remark at the end made my day! until now i m still jumping up and down :P heheheheee ahh what a great day! i feel soo lazy i might just watch the phantom of the opera on dvd right now! oh wait its dinner.. byee!

2008-05-01T22:24:00.001+10:00

Its been 2 hours since the last time mum tried to chase me off the comp.. lol i feel so cbs-ish today.. thats bad.. well i have to change my bedsheets then go to sleep and its already 10:23 and i can feel my eyes closing but i cbs getting out of my comfy chair to go do stufff. NOOO!!! *shakes head* oh well looks like i ll just have to keep on blogging then.. haha! anyway today was kinda boring had the usual chem tuition which i did 3 exam papers in 1.5 hours.. i was being naughty:P racing my tutor to see who could do them quicker.. well he had to mark them and he was SLOW!! hahaha! nice fun tutoring anyway.. didnt get toooo many wrong.. but they were ALL careless mistakes.. well im forgiven cos it was fun rushing through them XP then had piano lesson and i was in a cbs mood again! my fingers refused to run well! so i had to constantly smack myself to wake up.. =.=" yeh even my piano teacher saw me falling asleep and really reluctant to correct my pieces which i have to perform in 2 weeks time for my midyears exam in school! wahhhh :(:( then i came home for my yummy lunch porridge, salted egg and last night pork chops!! thats was the best! <3 haha! then slacked at home.. dling handphone games.. MORE handphone games.. my collection on my comp is about 50! whoohoo! and they are alll sooo fun! then went to school for badminton.. i swear its sooo effing cold.. i ran outta the house halfway till school and realised i was still early so decided to walk REALLY slowly.. and badminton was FUN!!! and i made the A team! dno who i kicked out.. probs bonnie or leena eeks sorrie! :P but finally A team!!!! haha! i m soo excited just hoping that i dont screw up the game.. after an hour.. and Ms cabble was LATE! so yeh.. then i went home and slacked.. peeled garlic for mum AGAIN.. and then went to safeways to pick up some junk food! and now i have cottage cookies in GIANT size... not those tiny ones that by bros have! whoopeee! and then spent 2 hours on the comp after dinner.. after watching 2 and a half men! OMG THAT SHOW IS AWEESOME! haha! and now im typing this blog post with my eyes about to close.. i was meant to go off about an hour ago.. but got distracted when xi came online -.-" ALL YOUR FAULT! :P nah i m REALLLY RELALLY lazy.. well thats the new me! hahaha! gdnight! and finally im gonna move my fat lazy ass to do something! and that is... SLEEP!

open evening

2008-04-30T21:21:00.000+10:00

It was Open Evening tonight! whoohoo! anyway.. today was really slowww cos i woke up at 11am then headed off to an eyewear shop to pick my new glasses and they re totally TRENDY! hehe :P and hopefully not toooo thick... then i did my chemistry hwk at home! then mucked around.. played piano and showered and headed off to school for open evening! wheee! it was fun the chem prac we made aspirin crystals.. more like lumps but its soo cooool how it appeared :P then i had to play piano and percussion and finally im here.. waiting to sleep so goodnight!!

2008-04-29T20:40:00.000+10:00

hehe today was actually quite fun and tiring.. woke up at 7 and left for school for percussion ensemble.. and that went well! we actually did heaps of stuff and Claire still remembered her bit after not practising for a month.. which reminds me.. i have to practice my piano tonight! cos i ll be performing tomorrow night at open evening.. i still cant believe that we have to ALL do the same aspirin prac for chem.. last year was soo fun! i love freezing flowers :) and making esters toooo... anyway then i had spesh class which was boring learning how to differentiate and i ve already done it but it was a good revision lesson.. then chem.. GRRR 2 whole periods of staring at the powerpoint slides.. and stupid biomolecules the gigantic ones.. -.- and no one is as quick as dwyer YET.. then english was the funnest bit.. oh well lunch i had percussion rehearsal AGAIN.. but it was at least productive but yeh back to english.. well first a dog ran into our class.. a bulldog-ish dog.. yeh and it was sniffing everyone.. and running around the class.. sorta freakkkyyy but yeh.. not fond of dogs running around me.. then we had to learn taboo in english...and it was like the slackest and funnest class ever! cos all the euphemisms are about death sex and pregnancy and a few others.. then i had unichem.. as usual i love the biscuits! :P and it was a fun train ride home.. funny how year 12 students can really brighten up our lives :) hm now i think its time to go shower and practice piano b4 i humiliate myself tomorrow :( hmmph!

forever winter

2008-04-28T16:08:00.000+10:00

OMG jack won the so you think you can dance comp!! whoohoo! hes amazing :)

ahh karate was fun tonight.. and im gonna go grading! according to mike :p as long as i turn up to class next week and do fine i shall go grading!! wooooooot! hm.. school today.. i was late! ahh to english.. there was really nothing to do in class didnt feel like doing anything.. the best bit was period 2 when i got to play piano! hehe love the grand in school its soo nice. then there was the usual.. spesh ela and chem and music which was ultimately boring.. i cant believe my head! mr wise played a song for me to describe.. and immediately after he pressed the stop button i forgot what happened in the song =X oops..

its been so cold now.. and i feel really lonely.. but i have to say.. i lurrvvee winter! its a nice feeling when you step into somewhere and its warm.. it sorta makes me appreciate the warmth more.. and its kinda a "nice" warmth.. compared to summer.. where everyones running away from the heat. So yeh theres my little observation :p i cant wait to fall asleep tonight.. its just such a slooww going day.. and everything doesnt seem to matter anymore.. cos i knw in the end i ll do fine.. so for now.. i wanna sleeeeep!

now playing: simple plan your love is just a lie

2008-04-27T17:32:00.001+10:00

OMG im sooo effing pissed... i was taking a shower then the hot water ran out after 2 seconds thanks to that fat little bro who used it up! *not pissed YET* then i came out of the shower.. to find my mum sucking things up in my room.. First she wasnt meant to be in my room, second she didnt have to vacuum my room.. and LASTLY what a stttupiiid mother.. who didnt bother to shift anything to vacuum.. so she was sucking up random spots of my room.. and said.. oh! i didnt touch anything.. so whats the damm point of intruding into my room.. and sucking up air! WTF!!!! oh and the *i didnt touch anything* was a lie.. my snail got chucked out! :(:( in the recycle =.=" just cos the container is plastic doesnt mean the snail is recyclable.. anyway i got it back so all is good now.. cept for the bits of dust that she didnt vacuum up :) hah! what an ****T oh AND.. so did my lollies.. they ALL got chucked out GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE concert..

2008-04-26T23:15:00.000+10:00

i shall start with the events of my day.. woke up at 8am in a hurry swallowed my breakfast, then headed to MLC for a sound check.. ended at 130pm and i was HUNGRY! so i ran out once it ended.. then stopped at a cafe called Samurai for lunch.. it was SOOOO delicious.. :) i had chicken tonkatsu rice.. and the chicken was deep fried with a nice dashi onion egg sauce.. that was thick and tasty.. *licks lips* then headed off to box hill to pick my new frame! which will be ready in... maybe i dno when but it takes a LONGGG while.. so it shall be a surprise! quite a change really :P then went home and finished my spesh! yes!! but i left out 9F so i might do it tomorrow.. doesnt really count as finishing chem then :( so afterwards.. bro needed help with chem again.. so taught him the molecule shapes and empirical formula etcetc.. too boring to list out.. then had a yummy and filling dinner before the CONCERT!

arrived at MLC at 745 and i was early! i m soo SURPRISED!! and last minute they sold toooo many tickets so not all the whole choir could watch the show at the same time.. so i went with the lil kiddies to watch the little strings first and they were sooo cute! and sooo lovely! then after a boring and nerve wrecking hour.. it was our turn to perform and OMG my mum wants me to sleep now! nooo way.. okay.. so quickly.. we had to go down sing sing sing sing sing sing sing sing sing clap clap clap clap clap clap clap and it was all over! yipppeee then we went home. and i didnt stuff up!!!!! whoohoo!

so then got back home.. bro bought 2 packets of instant noodles for his weekend.. but generously donated one packet to me to eat.. and wanted me to cook the other for him.. so i was halfway through cooking and eating.. and lil bro woke up at 11pm and demanded some.. so i gave him a lil of mine and just when i was done with eugenes he wanted to try that.. and prefered eugenes.. and then he ate about half of it when i turned around to boot up the comp.. so i chased him back to sleep.. then while typing this post he snuck out super quietly and ate another quarter b4 i could yell at him.. such a little RAT! tsk tsk then when eugene came outta the shower he said "is that all that came out of the packet!!" so i was like.. yeh.. and he ate it.. but he still didnt believe me.. so i told him edmund ate most of it.. and he got soooo PISSED! and nearly killed the little rat.. then far away in my mums room i could hear her.. " cry cry cry baby..." LOL that was the FUNNIEST bit of my day.. okay GOODNIGHT!

oh oh oh i m gonna watch a movie in my room tonight!! shhhh....

2008-04-25T23:25:00.000+10:00

hmm okay so summing up my day.. it was kinda fun! well in the morning i did quite a bit of Chem Qns from the NEAP book!! then.. had a yummy lunch, and continued with some work and taught lil bro maths.. marked his maths.. then did some spesh of my own about 2 questions :( then eugene needed help with Chemistry.. His teacher calls a simmplle mol test a "stoichiometry" test.. what an idiot... =.=" and i asked him if he knew what does stoichiometry mean.. and he has no idea.. so wtf is a stoichiometry test.. doesnt make sense when he has to find some stupid empirical formula from carbon percentages =.=" im super "impressed" by the capabilities of his teacher.. zooming past the mass spectrometer passage as well.. and he still does not know how to calculate Ar (X) till today.. and then.. after 1 hour he finally knew how to calculate the percentages from given Ar(X) too! haha im such a great teacher :P and plus he finally knew how to use the n= m/M rule PROPERLY.. last time he was guessing lol.. doesnt work with chemistry.. then had to practise piano.. and after 2 secs bro needed help with Maths again.. and im suree its soo hard i decided to put it up here:

4 people decided to buy a present for their friend.. They had to split the cost evenly among themselves. On the shopping day, David forgot to bring his money. Anna paid $8 more than Belle and Carry paid 3/7 the amount that Anna and Belle paid together. The next day in school, David retured Carry $3.
How much does he have to return Anna and Belle?

okay that was a year 6 question my lil bro had to do.. stumped me a little but after the long and windy explanation.. had to go back to practising piano for another hour and went off to aunty GN's house! wooot!

it was soooo funnn! the dinner was awweesoommeee.. we had 20 chicken pieces from KFC some were wings :P yummmmmy! and aunty GN fried noodles with shrimps and meat and it was SAUCYY!!! and TASTY!! omg.. wish i could have somemore.. then we had delicious soup.. some herby one.. yumm again.. and desert! canned longan and lychee finished by me and my bro and jolene :P now im gonna get hyper the whole night.. haha then we played table soccer and it was 2 on one.. jin and edmund against me.. 2 lil kids but i still won! hah! <3>

okay its late! im gonna sleeeepp.. snore snore snore.. CONCERT tomorrow! shoot gotta learn the words.. "birddlanddd" ahh!!